[livejournal.com profile] rhiannonmai  has asked me Five Questions:

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1. Favorite memory of Lovely Wife Sara doing something when she didn't know she was being observed?

Man, that’s a hard one to nail down, but I might need to say it’s while Sara’s doing her art. I can kinda hide and watch her paint and it’s amazing. She sees the whole piece but it changes as she goes. The intense yet loving way she looks at the work is great.

At some point I can make a post with some of her art, but it’ll take me a bit to find all the files on my laptop. Here’s a self-portrait she did in high school or first year of college.

2. What was your earliest memory of getting your heart broken?

It’s hard to say whether you want to count young love or less-young love. When my first huge crush moved away or when one of my girlfriends cheated on me?

The former was between third and fourth grade, about when I realized how kinda not-right-in-the-head I was. We used to make up fictional worlds where we'd play and we joked about marrying each other in ten years.

The latter? I’ll spare details, for her sake as much as mine, but I will say that it hurt so very much. Cheated with a friend, no less, but I hate shunning people so we actually remained friends after some necessary “Stay the fuck away” time. Yeah, I know, I'm weird.

3. What movie really scared the crap out of you as a kid?

The Thing by John Carpenter. My mother was always a bit ahead of the times and had a VCR when that movie came out on VHS. We watched it, her and my brothers Matthew and Jason and I.

When the dog turned inside-out I had to leave the room. Still haven’t rewatched it.

One of the blob movies, I think, scared the hell out of me as an even younger child.

4. What's the worst decision you've ever had to make?

“But if you had to choose, which would you choose to live with, your mother or your father?” – a judge in his chambers to a very young benjamin

I’m not saying that what I responded was right or wrong or anything, that was just one of the worst decisions I’ve ever had to make. What kind of a dick makes that into an ultimatum?

5. Something you did as a kid that gave you a satisfied sense of accomplishment?

The ABC’s of Cats. If Ma still has a copy I’ll see about getting it scanned in. It was my first book, fully illustrated, and had things like “I is for Icky Stuff” and then a drawing of a litter box with poop in it.

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Right, off to work in the severe thunderstorm...

b
So, it appears that I've fallen off the wagon with a number of my "Regular Features", so please enjoy a Five Questions response. The original concept still stands for anybody who wants to know about things via me.

Today we'll be taking a look at [livejournal.com profile] evil_egg 's questions about creativity and my Fuckbrain:

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1. Do you believe that your awesometacular writing skills would have been possible without the Fuckbrain?

That's always been a huge question in my own mind. I'm going to assume "No," since my brain as it is is the only way I can imagine it. I know that a lot of weird inspirations I get come from seemingly random firings of my brain, and some of my stuff has been written while I'm either cripplingly depressed, or horribly manic, or just feeling one step to the side of every other human being on the planet.

It's not to say that I don't think I'd be an uninteresting or dull or bad person, I just think that my imagination gets a strange boost / tilt from my errant brain chemicals, so as much as I may complain about them, I would never want them to go away completely.

In summation, no, I don't think that all of my creativity would still be there.

2. If possible, would you ever alter the conditions of the F-brain?

Well, I am on three medications right now, all of which alter one Fuckbrain issue or another. I've intentionally had my doctor dial down one and eliminate a fourth, because I felt like I was treading water for a while, creatively and socially.

There's an addictive quality to mania and an addictive quality to severe depression, so without medication I find myself being pulled in really deeply, where wonderful ideas form but where my mind and body just can't stay for long without bad effects. Removing / dulling those times can also be a drag, when the craving is there.

As for the Tourette's...you know, I wonder if I'd be the same without it. I know that it makes my life far more interesting--as well as painful and inconvenient and tiring and so on--but I wonder how much of it affects who I am. While I'm not "proud" of it, as some stupid-ass self-help things would make you believe I should be, I'm certainly not ashamed of it or angry at it. It's a part of me and I've accepted its role.

I do know that my OCD does a lot to define me, though. Whether it's a compulsive method of organizing books and toys and constant hand-washing or my inability to function work-wise in an area that isn't an absolute fucking mess, it's always there with me. I'm counting threes (please see a few of my Fuckbrain Comix for more info on that) 97% of my life and...well, I could do without it. Seriously.

3. Any plans of publishing your work in book form?

Yep. The brutality of the publishing world and Sara's illness put all of that shit on a waaaaaay back burner for a while. Now I'm looking into that stuff again, boggling at the financial investment, and conceiving other ways to make money off of my art and my "art".

4. How do you think you would have turned out if your brain were not prefixed by fuck-?

Honestly? A nice, slightly odd fellow who...is a nice, slightly odd fellow. *shrug*

5. What sort of advice would you give to a budding young writer (possibly also fuckbrained)?

Come to terms with it, but keep working while you do so. If I'd waited until I had it all sorted out then I'd not have produced anything good, let alone anything sellable, before my mid-twenties. This is not to say "conquer it" but learn to understand what it affects and how, and discern what effects are positive and how you can accentuate those, and which ones are negative and how you...oh, I can't finish that. I'd feel dirty.

Also, abuse the stupor-powers that having a Fuckbrain affords. You have Powers Beyond Those of Mortal Man and most likely also Glaringly Obvious Weaknesses and Drawbacks. Find the difference, but through trial and error. You'll find that there are things you're really good at primarily because of your "problems".

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you allowed to use it as an excuse for not getting stuff done. Yes, it's going to mean that you're not going to get stuff done sometimes, but make sure it stops you rather than using it to cop out before you begin.

It's not easy, and I'm not done with the process yet...because it's not going to end.

Oh, shit, did I mention my complete and utter rubbish memory? I think I forgot to. My inability to pay attention for long, though, that I can--oh, man, I just totally remembered the M.A.S.K. cartoon, with MATT TRACKER! I wonder if eBay has any of the toys! I bet they're really expensive oh shit I have an eye appointment in like twenty minutes, but don't worry, there's
Hey, kids, it's FIVE QUESTIONS from [profile] pensylvania_joe!

Click the words Five Questions for the rest of 'em. I'm still open for more questions to answer. Just leave 'em in the comments section. I have no sense of shame or embarassment, so ask anything. I reserve the right to not talk about my balls.

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1. If you could be alive at any point in time (so far), when would you want to live?


Man, I always seem to revert to Hong Kong in the 1970's / 1980's...so I'll take a different route this time.

How about China, 496 C.E., where the Shaolin Temple was built. Maybe they'd have taught me if I got there young...

2. Assuming relatively perfect health, how long would you want to live?

People are always weirded out when I say forever. Friends and especially family don't like hearing it. Yes, my heart would be broken a million times over as people died and I lost track of others...but...

Dunno. It's in my blood to want it, I guess.

3. What made you first fall in love with Sarah?


It's hard to nail down a single thing, but I can tell you what I first thought when I first talked with her. Our mutual friend Clarissa had wanted me to meet her neighbors in the dorms, Sara and Jennifer. We met up in the dining hall and Clarissa was in an inexplicably horrible mood, so Sara and Jennifer and I only talked a bit, but I went to their room later on and we talked for ages.

When I first saw her at that table, though? "Hey, it's the cute girl with the hats who's always smiling!" I was glad I got to meet her.

I think that the things that (ALLITERATION!) really drew me to her were her Bohemian artistnessosity, her smart brains, her sense of humor, her abject hotness--you know, all the things you look for in a Gorecki. And she had kisses sweeter than wine.

And I can't think of The Time I Realized I Was In Love. I wonder if there was actually a single moment or not...

4. Of all the characters you have ever created (for fiction, gaming, etc), who is your absolute favorite?

Can I have a three-way tie? How about...umm...

Well, it's hard choose between the first couple, which were LARP characters.

Arthur Drake, Jr., was my first character, a gun-toting sociopath who desperately wanted people to like him so he could screw things up and have them hate him again. It was an interesting character to develop over the...what, three years I played him? He was a ridiculously over-the-top version of me that actually took on a twist of his own after only a few weeks. His tabletop "father" was the first character I ever made for gaming, for Call of Cthulhu back in high school...such fun...

Raimond H. Dulac was the opposite, cold and calculating and emotionless and humorless, which made him a delightful challenge to portray, as I had to fight off letting any bit of the real benjamin poke through at any moment, since the character and I were polar opposites. In theory he's still alive in OWbN. I'd love one more chance to play him...

Third? Sir Reginald. Yeah, I know he's not your favorite, but I really like him, especially knowing some things that I know about him in my head. I still don't know his early life, though. It's weird, I think I know the story of his death better than his youth.

5. How often do you have days when you are content, happy, and proud of being who you are; days without wishing you were at all different, where you're glad your life is exactly as it is and exactly as it has been?

Those days exist?

6. How come only 5?

You'll have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf in this ear.
It's time for another session of...

FIVE QUESTIONS!

These five come from [profile] pure_doxyk:

1. You are to be locked in a cell for a decade. Besides the very basics, you can have the cell equipped with whatever it needs for you to do one activity. Obviously, whatever it is, you will come out of your seclusion damn good at it (and possibly also dribblingly insane, depending on your constitution, I suppose). What do you pick as your 10-year-isolation hobby?

Furious masturbation.

Nah, just kidding.

No. No, I'm not. But for my OTHER hobby I'd...ummm...I'd wanna come out an ass-kicker like Gordon-fucking-Liu. So maybe what I'd need for ten years would be Gordon "Lau Ka Fei" Liu. Trust me, stick with this video to the end. Thank dog for the fucking Liu family.


2. It turns out that there really, in the real world, concurrent with physics and everything, IS a Heaven! All the people that you think really deserve it are there, too. So what's it like?

Lots of great things to do, no judging, you can do what you want that doesn't cause pain to other people--unless they ask politley--and nothing horrible happens. You know why? Because people just don't feel like doing them.

You'd be surprised how many horrible--or even just bad--things stem from a single conscious decision. And it's often just as easy to make that decision the OTHER way. Usually easier.

3. Who, besides your spouse, could you just *not* pass up the chance to have sex with, if you ever got a shot? (Fictional people count.)

Arthur Dent. Fenchurch, too, if I could get them as a package deal...

4. You end up in a coma, and while you're there you dream that an old Sage comes to you and says: "Look, boy, you're really *in* this coma and without some sacrifice, you aren't getting out. At times like this, the Big Thing Out There sometimes authorizes a special, one-time offer--you know, a second shot in exchange for giving the world something it needs. In this case, the world needs a new Messiah. If you want to live, you can have a full physical recovery...but we'll have to strip your entire ego, destroy every part of your psychology that involves any negativity whatsoever. You'll be reborn as a completely pure human. You'll have some cool abilities, like the ability to heal by laying your hands on people, but that and other things will make you a constant target of every type of authority. You will probably scare off most of the people who know you, and you'll certainly lose all of your worldly possessions too. Then the rest of your life will consist of being followed around, harrassed, ridiculed, reviled, minutely inspected and studied, and eventually brutally murdered. And your message will either do some good in the future world, or just be the cause of a whole shitload of new wars and hatred; we can't guarantee anything. ...Or you can stay in the coma, and we get some other poor sot to do it. Whaddya say?"


"Look, slugger, I was having a real nice coma dream about two delightful fictional characters and here you come, getting all up in my face? You find somebody else, man. I'll stick with the coma. It's not so much that I don't want to do it, and I'm not really upset that you interrupted my threesome, but...look, if I feel like I'm ever going to do any good in this world it's gonna be on my terms. It's gotta be. I'm attached to who I am, but I tell you what. If he really is doing the right thing? You pull me outta this coma and I'll be there for him. As long as he's okay with swearing. I do that a lot."

5. If you had to pick one, would you rather be permanently mute, or violently allergic to alcohol?

Violently allergic to alcohol. I mean, there's no way I could stop talking, not even for...wait, all alcohol? No, no, it's fine, I'd keep my voice. Maybe I could sneak a sip of--no? Wow. That's, umm...can I get a last little...bit of...hey, look, I was just asking. Oh, relax. RELAX.

Jesus, have a drink. Hell, have mine...

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Question time is always open, click on the link at the top of this entry for more Five Questions answers.
If you got questions you want me to answer, go for it.

PS -- Gonna have a new Sir Reginald story ready for you by noon tomorrow. It's not the one I've been working on for ages, but it's still a story. :)

b
FIVE QUESTIONS TIME!

This time they're from
[profile] dr_aj 
...
1.) What is a song you love but you are too embarrassed to tell people?

See, there you go, assuming that I have a sense of embarrassment. :) Seriously, you're talking to somebody who has the following songs on his computer:

Sugar in the Marmalade - Leon Lai
Winkle Picker Shoes Blues - Bernard Cribbins
Got Rice - Azn Pride
Tarzan Boy - Baltimora
My Pal Foot Foot - The Shaggs
Closer to Wannabe - NIN vs Spice Girls

And those are just the first six that popped into my head out of my 15,000 songs...

I can't think of anything at all, off the top of my head, that I'm even vaguely ashamed of. :)

2.) How many times have you had your heart broken?

I'm supposed to be able to quantify this?
Umm...
Five...ish.
For various reasons, not all romantically inclined, either.
And that's just actual BREAKINGS, not just crackings...

3.) Are you all planning any kids?

Bit of a dodgy choice for Lovely Wife Sara and I. Allow me to work backwards through the facts/concerns:

a) Maximum of two, probably just one. For us, more than that seems irresponsible on a number of levels.

b) Would it be better to adopt a child or two? After all, they're already here,

c) I have a host of neurological disorders, and while I like to think that I could safely guide my child/ren through anything they may go through as a result of any they inherit, it's still a hell of a weight to consider,

d) Can you imagine small benjamins / benjaminettes? Pride / terror are equally balanced.

4.) What is the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?

That clam jerky was not as high up the list as you might have thought.
I have to say that the worst things I can think of have all been spoiled things, like when I bit into a hard-boiled egg that had been bad before I cooked it. Or the time that I bought milk from a vending machine, opened the paper top, poured half of the container into my mouth before realizing it was chunky, and then spitting it all over the floor of the student union.

Also, one person goes on that list, but they will never ever be named ever.

5.) What is your earliest memory of me?

LARP. Ventrue. I thought, "Not only is this woman rather attractive--in a creepy business-lady-like way right now--but she's acting the hell out of several people around her, and Jesus shit, what the fuck was that look for? Oh, right, 'cause the tag on my shirt says "Shotgun Across Back" and I think I might have just called her a bitch."

This may or not be complete. That's the best my memory works, I'm afraid.

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I'm still taking requests for more questions, kids.
[profile] auroracita wants to know the answers to FIVE QUESTIONS.

So here we go:

1. What would you choose to be your last meal?

Dead serious, human flesh, no question. Don't lie and say you've never been curious. I'd want that, and baked beans, and kim chi, and kohlrabi, and cheesecake, and root beer, and bacon and sushi and...

2. If you could have one great mystery of history solved for you, what would it be?

I have a number of them, but we'll just go with one.
Hmmm...
How about...Roswell. What the shit really went down? Even if there were no alien, that was some crazyass stuff.

3. What's your concept of the afterlife?

Don't so much have one. Becoming a bit of all things would make me perfectly happy.

4. What is the single greatest regret of your life?

Not sure that I really have one, truth be told. Maybe...good lord, who knows? I'm sure I could figure one out, but...
Remind me later, maybe I'll have thought of one.

5. Casket or cremation? Why?

Cremation. Better yet, just leave me in a never-visited bit of forest somewhere. Why should I give a shit about my body? Especially caskets. WHY DO WE PUT DEAD PEOPLE IN CASKETS SEALED IN VAULTS UNDER DIRT?! What, do we need me to be MiB or some shit?

If, through some fluke, I end up being buried, this had better be my tombstone:



I am still accepting requests.

b
Dear Monkeys,

I have a Fuckbrain Comix, but life decided it didn't really want me to have time to ink it this week. If I'm lucky, I'll have it up Monday morning. Also, everybody gets free donuts forever.

I'm also prepping some new Photos Of My Life and some other stuff.

In the mean time, here's today's quote:

"The doormat had already floated into the bedroom closet, accompanied by a rogue pizza box," - [personal profile] lafinjack

Also, here are slipmesomething's Five Questions:

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1. What is your favourite story (from your life or of those close to you) to tell to others.

Either the "Prince of France" story or the "Why You Better Pay Your Fucking Bill at Mykonos" story.

OH, you wanted the actual story? Well, I'll get on that.

I also love retelling myths to people, but it has to be seen/heard in person, as I kinda colloquialize them, and move around a lot, and swear.

"So Zeus is all, 'Shit, Acrisius, you think you can hide that fine piece o' ass you call your daughter in a box?' So then the motherfucker turns into a golden shower to get into the box. Yep. A golden shower. One that gets her pregnant. Yeah, I know, watersports aren't supposed to be able to do that, but it's Zeus, you know? Guy was so virile his shit probably impregnated his toilet."

2. Have you ever been in a situation and found yourself thinking "this is weird/surreal?." What was it? tell us the most bizarre.

I once had sex with Jackie Onassis, but it wasn't really my fault, and I was like, 13 or something, so I don't remember too well.

Instead let's go with...jeez, there are a lot to choose from. I'm shit at remembering most things in my life, but the most ridiculous things stick with me forever. I can even tell you, if you grab one, where I got a particular comic, or what I had for dinner that one night 9 years ago, but things like Where Am I and Are These My Pants? always elude me. I have loads of strange moments from my childhood, though, that I oddly remember. It's not the single most surreal, but it was odd and it gets bonus odd points for me even remembering it.

I was probably...dunno, five? six? when I went to Barbados with my mother, brothers, and aunt. I remember the exact song that a man was playing on a steel drum at one point. "Can we go down? Can we go down? Can we go down to Bridgetown Market?" I even remember the tune. I also remember walking barefoot on the massive, boulder-like chunks of coral at the beach...unless that was Bermuda, about five years later. But the part that's always stuck with me was that we were told to shuffle our feet when we were in the ocean in case there were stingrays. So I'm doing this, and from out of nowhere this guy scoops me up--I remember that he had a very hairy chest--and takes me a ways out into the ocean to show me a rock covered--COMPLETELY SWARMING--with all of these tiny little red crabs. It was fantastic and freaky and I didn't know who the guy was, and sure the rock was cool, but who the fuck are you?

I recently told my mother that I remembered this, and she was stunned that I could recall something from when I was so young. She said that she thinks the guy might have been somebody who was hitting on my aunt, I can't remember.

3. Who is your favourite "celebrity/idol/'famous person'" that you have met?

I wouldn't say he's my favorite, but Colin Baker did once pretend to choke me--hands around the neck and everything--when I was about ten. That probably wins as far as encounters go.

4. Are there any films that make you cry each time you view them?

Harold and Maude, Camille Claudel, The Crow, They Might Be Giants, Depardieu's Cyrano de Bergerac, El Norte, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Moulin Rouge, All About Lily Chou-Chou, Brokeback Mountain, Dodeskaden, Being There, Lovers of the Arctic Circle, All About My Mother, and hordes more...

Yep, I'm an enormous girl.

5. Have you ever purposefully sworn at someone then blamed it on your fuckbrain? Who was it?

Sadly, no. I've never really tried to blame anything on my Tourette's that wasn't because of my Tourette's. I have had to make people feel guilty about my Tourette's, though, like when people who haven't seen me in a while see my weird Tourette's leg thing and ask me why I'm walking like I'm crippled, or when people in theatres or buses or whatever ask me to stop moving around so much. That sort of thing.

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b
Sorry, [info]eyeslikesugar, it seems that I had a hard time narrowing three of your FIVE QUESTIONS down to a single answer. That having been said, I really liked them.

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1) What author has influenced you the most in your life and why?

Wow, that’s a fucking tough one, but I’m gonna have to go with three, sorry.

Ray Bradbury: Starting reading him in about 5th grade, tore through every book he’d written that wasn’t impossible to find. Showed me that you could write about crazy shit and keep it human at the same time. I think I started rereading The Martian Chronicles as soon as I finished it for the first time.

H.P. Lovecraft: Yeah, I’d read some Stephen King, but when I got to this crazy motherfucker, and realized that horror didn’t have to involve slicing up eyeballs, and that just describing a place could scare the poop out of me? Changed forever.

Daniel Pinkwater: Especially Lizard Music. Wow. I wanted that to be my life. I’m still trying.

2) What comic book/series/character/etc has influenced you the most in your life and why?

Dr. Strange was the first comic character where I thought “Wow. This is a great story, and he’s so fucking cool, and he looks so fucking cool, and this is some crazy fucking surreal-ass shit right here. He remain one of my faves, but influence?

Influence would be Grant Morrison's The Invisibles. Mind-shifting, thought-provoking, you-gotta-read-it-to-understand. Interesting that these two are ones that both deal with magic and completely non-traditional mindsets.

3) What pet that you have/had in your life did you bond with the most?

Wow, that’s tough, as I’ve had a LOT. I’d really have to say my cat Isis. Even though I’ve had other cats for longer, and she really is disturbed—she was taken from her mother at a week or two, and abused as a kitten—and can go psycho, she is so loving to Sara and I that it’s insane. She’s pretty, she sleeps between my feet every night, she always stretches out her paw to touch us when she sits near us. She even has a leather glove that she fetches.

4) Favourite snack food?

I don’t really have a favorite. Some things I love to snack on: wasabi peas, beans, tuna, kimchi, corn. Yeah, I’m weird.

5) If you could invite all of your LJ/internet/irl friends to a party, and they all could go.. where in the world would it be held at? What would happen? And would hilarity ensue?

We would hold it in the TARDIS. 

We would have a fucked-up range of musical genres--because that's how I like my music--and there’d be something for everyone, from dancing to games to computers to…everything. Hell, there'd be a legion of fuckrooms.

We would love life like tomorrow never comes.

Hilarity would be guaranteed, money back if you’re not satisfied.

What would happen would change the world.

Holy carp, I've actually gotten back to my FIVE QUESTIONS duties!

Today's questions are by [profile] nhyrvana, and there's some hardcore geeking out in the first question.
Let's go...TO THE COLONIES!

1) Which LARP character of yours was your favorite?

 Well, given the choices, I’m going to rule out the Rather Nice member of a Rather Mean Clan, Bobby Kakihara of Clan Tremere. He was fun, but I’m not sure I had enough time to get to explore him.

 Playing a racist, bigoted, prejudiced, coward was fun, even if I felt filthy at the end of every night that I played him. Even the vague misogyny he expressed that was really his attempt to declare women’s superiority over men was a treat. Still, Stanley Morrison the Toreador doesn’t win.

 Raimond Horlage Dulac was a lovely break for me, somebody for whom showing emotion of any sort was a sin. True Brujah are a bitch to play—or at least, to expertly cover up—and when you add to that the character’s ultimate goal of the destruction of all things physical in the world, well…things get fun.

 The winner, though, is the socio/psychopathic Caitiff named Arthur Drake, Jr. He was a madcrazed guy who had a martyr complex for all the wrong reasons. He had all the impulse control of a rabid greyhound on speed, all the self-esteem of that emo kid you keep seeing at the coffee shop, and enough weaponry on him at any given time to make the NRA rethink its political positions. He wanted to die for the city and citizens, but only so that, A) He’d be dead, B) Everybody would feel like shit that he’d died.

2. If you had the chance to play Sir Reginald in a movie, who would direct it?

 The Titanic Team-Up of Tsui Hark and Jean-Pierre Jeunet, with consultations by Johnnie To Kar-Fai and Terry Gilliam.

 3. …and what would you wear on screen as your Sir Reginald costume THAT'S ACTUALLY IN YOUR CLOSET RIGHT NOW????

Black pinstripe suit. Bowler. Silk tie. Beat to shit and really very natty-looking combat books. Cane with the plastic finger on the top. Oh, and that straight razor.

4. If you could play any existing character in any existing movie, who would it be? (pretend you would have all nessasary skills & training regardless if you really do or not)

 Today it’s Justin Playfair / Sherlock Holmes, from the movie They Might Be Giants, starring George C. Scott and Joanne Woodward

5.(to #4's answer)Why?

Because on some days I feel just as mad as he does, other days just as sane, and on other days I really do want to save the day. No matter what, he’s a fascinating character, and he certainly does attract some interesting friends. Look, you really gotta see the movie, then I promise you'll understand.

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Got questions? Ask.
I promise that I will either answer them before I die or I won't.

(Unrelated: ask is kinda an ugly word, isn't it?

[profile] his_hamstress BRINGS THE HEAT in my...9th? installment of FIVE QUESTIONS:
Remember, if you have FIVE QUESTIONS for me...bring it.
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1. If the intarwebs were suddenly no more and being online was lost forever, how would you deal?

I'd have to buy a typewriter to replace the one that I sold a few years ago.
Preferably one of those electricalistic ones that rumbles when you turn it on.
Also, I'd just have to try a little more harder to be Internet Famous, on account of what it wouldn't be there anymore.
Also, I'd read more books.

Oh, also lots of booze and crying.

2. If you could live any place in the world after Urbana, where would you choose and why (note that this is not limited to cities and places on land)


London. It would be a place I could wander forever in.

Hong Kong, sight unseen, but I'd want to get a little bit of Cantonese in my languagebrainmeats first. It's this weirdass mystical land of awesome in my head. Back alleys, and shitty apartments, and beautiful madness. My brain already thinks I live there whenever I watch a HK film.

Friends tell me that if I ever visit New York City that I'll never come back...

3. What is the most obscure sentence that you can think of, off the top of your head?

"The flute is peanut."

4. How would you be able to handle it if you were immersed in an entire state of depervation for one week with nothing but sleep and your biggest fear?

Most likely go a bit madder than now. Perhaps I'd be okay, due to predisposition to madness.
Mind, one of my fears--probably not the biggest--is losing my memory too soon, so maybe I'd take a lot of naps, so I'd forget that I was scared of forgetting.

5. Do you know the muffin man? 

"I am the muffin man.
 Here I am and you know I can
 Love me if you let me."
Right, it appears to me that I've chosen [personal profile] mamagaea 's Five Questions this time.
It appears that way because it's true.

1. How many toys do you own (actual number)?

I wish I had an exact number for you. :(
I'd put it at somewhere above 125 and under 250. There will be new shots of my new toy shelves soon, but those just hold the ones that I currently feel like making weird-ass diorama scenes out of. There are a bunch more upstairs in Rubbermaids.
Somebody remind me to do the office pics soon.

2. How many books do you own (actual number)?

So far tallied? THIS MANY. For the most fun, click on COVER VIEW and DISPLAY 100 per page. There are probably about fifty more that I haven't included for various reasons, usually lack of ISBN and lack of time to build the records from scratch.

3. What is the most awkward situation your Tourette's has ever landed you?

Good question.

The best one I can think of right now was during a college Shakespeare class. For our final project (the Professor believed in diversified teaching methods) we actually had to find partners and act out a scene from one of Shakey's plays. I think I was 18 or 19 at the time, and had only been diagnosed with Tourette's at age 17. As such, my medication was still being adjusted, and I wasn't on a particularly good one.

One very odd thing about TS is that everybody seems to have something that they can do just fine, even when their symptoms are bad. There are pro basketball players with it and even neurosurgeons. Some part of our brain manages to shut off the ticcing while we're doing that thing. One of those things, for me, is acting or public speaking, so I figured I'd be cool that night.

The event was held at a professor’s house, where he didn’t ask how old you were if you grabbed a beer. I’d had a bad day with Tourette’s all day but now it was beyond bad. I couldn’t speak to him or classmates, the words just wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t stop my hip spasms and my head was jerking back and to the right nonstop. I felt like the most ridiculous spastic ever. And for once, performing the scene only killed about half or two-thirds of my symptoms. And as soon as I was done? Back again.

 

Spent all semester looking forward to this night, and I couldn’t talk to people or even sit next to them for fear of making them uncomfortable.

4. What is the funniest situation your Tourette's has ever landed you?

It’s done a lot of things, but not many of them are traditional sort of funny. One of my favorites, though, is how Sara and I used to have an antique bread plate on our bathroom sink, and we put our bar of soap on it. I really dislike soap scum leftover stuff that you always get under a bar, so I decided to use some hot water to scrub the soap off.

Halfway through the washing my right hand decided that the best course of action would be to, sans warning, throw the plate like a Frisbee into the bathtub, where it broke into four pieces.

We left the four pieces on the sink to repair them later. A week after that, I knocked something out of the cabinet and it fell on the pieces, multiplying their total by about ten. Sara wouldn’t let me blame that one on Tourette’s. J

5. Tell me the story of Ben and Sara (how you met through the wedding)

In a weird way that only I would decide to do it...

 
Invited to the residence hall cafeteria by friend Clarissa to meet her friends Jennifer Keene and Sara Gorecki, then they asked me to come by their room a day or two later, then we talked for hours, then I realized that the cool Bohemian girl was the same girl that I’d always identified in the hallways as “The Girl With The Hats Who’s Always Smiling,” then we did some more hanging out, then I wouldn’t do anything too heavy with her because she was drunk on Blackberry Schnapps, and she got me to smoke cloves, which led me to smoke regular cigarettes, but I didn't care, and then she came and visited me over the summer in a house with no air conditioning during a VERY hot summer and we had one of those kinda-mostly-break-up things but when we realized that we were talking to each other on the phone for so long that she'd start falling asleep but not wanting to hang up it was cool and we totally got together again, then I stayed in the residence hall but she moved into an apartment with Clarissa and friend Jaime and then I stayed there mostly with her and cleaned their dishes and I stayed up late with her while she did her art projects and oh I forgot that our first date was seeing BRAIN CANDY in the now-gone Co-Ed Theatre, and that I asked her if I could kiss her after we watched WILLY WONKA on the dorm bed, so then I sublet her apartment from her over the summer, and then we moved into an apartment with Clarissa, and we were in the same bedroom because we’re sinners, and then she got me a cat called Isis and the cat had been taken away from her mother at about 2 weeks, maybe less, and then shut in a closet a lot by her first owner’s roommates, so she grew up a bit weird, and Sara didn't like cats, so she said she wouldn’t clean up after cat, or feed cat, or play with cat, and that night cat fell asleep on Sara’s lap, and we could barely connect to the internet in that apartment, because it was about 1997, and I hung around places like alt.music.nin and rec.arts.drwho and we did more art and we had barbecues, and then I graduated and Sara didn’t yet because she was a year behind me and we lived in a shotgun apartment and realized that we had a lot of stuff, and there were roaches there but they mostly went away eventually, and it was the second place in a row where the original boiler in the building broke and it was so freaking cold, but then we moved into a cool house that had been divided into apartments, and we even fixed it up a bit, and Sara hand-painted the kitchen tile with a way cooler pattern because she’s such a kickass artist, and our bedroom had no insulation, so there was a lot of body heat stuff going on, and we were there for three years, and two of our neighbors in the building got married after meeting each other there and now they have a child and we became friends with Jay, aka the basement troll, and then after three years we decided that we’d go and do something stupid, like buy a house, because we’d already been together for so long, and we’d bought a car, and so we totally bought the cutest house ever and it turns out that there was more work needed on it than we thought, but we don’t care, and then we totally got married and I love the hell out of her  and it's been eleven years together and she’s the best thing since sliced…hell, since slicing was invented.

 *gasp*

Got your own questions? Ask.

b
benchilada: (Alphonse)
I'm answering Five More Questions.

This time, they come straight from the gullet of [profile] xuincherguixe

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1) Who is your favourite character (out of all fiction)?

There is no right answer to this, is there?
I mean , if I say Odysseus, then people will ask "What about the Doctor?"
If I say Maude from Harold and Maude, then people will ask, "What about that dude with the stuff?"
If I say Wong Fei Hung, then people will be all "But he was a real person!"
If I say Doctor Strange, then the Dread Dormammu will try to kill my mom.

I think the answer, therefore, has to be me, until I can be proven to be non-fiction.

I dare you.

2) If you had a giant robot, what would it be like? And what would it's name be?

Right, it would be more PATLABOR than EVANGELION. More realistic, more robot-looking, more...dunno. If we're talking a Giant Robot that's controlled by me, I'd want some standard issue things, like a ridiculous helmet to wear while driving it, as well as silly-looking bright clothes. Also, I would need theme music, and the thing would always make those HMMMMM-WHRRRRRRR-CHNK! noises as it moved. I don't want no goddamned quiet WHSSSSH'ing robots. Also, it would have laser-sighted anti-ninja/pirate cannons.

Possible Names: Angus McAngus-Angus / benjamin's Giant Robot / Joe. Joe Mama / Alphonse / Super Deluxe Explodo Bonus Robot Xtreme KAWAII!

3) Is there any way to beat an RCMP Ninja? I don't think there is!

You, Sir, are wrong. See the previous question.

4)If a Nigerian Prince ever did need your help, would you believe it?


I would require proof of identification, a tour of his castle, and a detailed story of why I should help him defeat his insane evil brother.
Also, he would need to explain why his e-mail came from an internet cafe under the name TACO BEL SMITH <hotcock@nigerianeedswomen.net>

5) You can have one person run into a bus you are driving, without having to face consequences for their very messy demise. Who would you choose?

Well, I'm about as pacifist as you can get and still be a reasonable human being, so I think that the removal of consequences would have to include all the guilt on my part and maybe they could come back to life later, if I felt like it.

That having been said, today it would be...

Matt Lauer


Kim Jong-il

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Got questions? ASK.
Wanna read the others so far? DO IT.

b
FIVE QUESTIONS?

It's [profile] iamangelachase's turn...

1. Can we ask one question now, then leave the rest for later?

See remaining four questions.

2. In trying to diagnose your illnesses/diseases/brain cesspool participants/what have you, what was discussed and/or ruled out?

One doctor once told me that I didn't have Tourette Syndrome, only myoclonus. This would only explain some of my tics, not my vocal ones, nor my compulsive repetitive behaviors, nor...well, a lot of things. This doctor also prescribed Halydol for me, hoping to deal with my depression / bipolar disorder and my Tourette's myoclonus at the same time. I got nearly every side effect listed, including vertigo.

You think you know what vertigo is, but until you've been walking up the stairs to your apartment and TIPPED BACKWARDS because you suddenly can't tell which direction is up? Nuh-uh.

He would later vanish from the hospital's neurology department. I received a call from them telling me that my next appointment with him was rescheduled with a new doctor. I asked where the other doctor was, and they repeated that my next appointment with him was rescheduled with a new doctor. I suspect a firing.

Oh, and some doctors have thought, off-and-on, that I have AD/HD, functional schizophrenia (?!?!), functional autism, and they've always gone back and forth between acute depression and bipolar disorder.

3. What would you most like to find in a gas station restroom's vending machine?

A gold-plated piece of poop. It would be a fantastic test of greed vs. OCD.

4. What's the most interesting place you've lived in?

Well, to date, I've lived in: Sullivan, Illinois; Champaign, Illinois; Urbana, Illinois; Maplewood, Missouri; St. Louis, Missouri; Clayton, Missouri; Dunedin, Florida; Tampa, Florida; Clearwater, Florida; Fort Walton Beach, Florida; Orlando, Florida; and a few others, vaguely...

It's hard to say which was the most interesting, as I've many stories from each, but I think that today I'll choose the house in Blackjack, Missouri, that we briefly lived in while our house was being renovated. My mother and stepfather rented the place empty semi-furnished and shortly thereafter made very strange discoveries.

There were no less than THREE peepholes into other rooms, several of which looked into the guest bedroom. One was a bit of drywall in the back of a closet that could be folded down, allowing you to look through a hole above an electrical socket in the guest bedroom. The hole was at the perfect level to observe the top of the bed. Another one that looked into the room was behind a mirror on the wall, which was two-sided. Its other side was hidden in another room behind a piece of wood in a closet that had coathooks on it.

Weird place.

806 W. Oregon, Urbana, IL, probably wins overall, but...well, it deserves its own entries, which it's already had.

5. Why doesn't Sara have a journal so we can hear her side of the story?

I've asked her a number of times, but she's never really had a solid answer. She's not much of an interwebs person, and I wonder how much time she'd really spend on it. If you want to ask her, though, send me an e-mail at moxy att tmbg dott org and I'll forward it on to her.
If you don't want me to read the message, send it as a Word attachment and I promise I won't read it. :)

NEXT!

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Got five questions for me? Ask in the comments. All sets will be answered, each in their own entry.
Previous Five Questions can be found by clicking on the link at the top of this entry or on the Five Questions tag on this entry
Right, so, that whole Five Questions thingie?

[profile] iworkinasaloon is next, and his fucking band question took me about 300 years to answer.

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1. What do you think about this: http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=38292 (i don't blame you for not clicking it. Just don't.)

I am--unsurprisingly, for those who know me--not really disturbed by these things. Here's the deal: I figure that, since time began, guys have been putting their cocks in anything that looks like it might or might not move and women have been putting inside of themselves that look like they may or may not move.

Sure, this one's a touch more fucked-up than most things, but worse things have been done for pleasure instead of money.
And here is where somebody chimes in and says "But what if they're exploiting that woman? What if she has no money, and they're paying her thirty bucks to do this just so she can get her next rock of crack?" I hate to sound flip, but what if she's not? What if she's making a lot of money to do this? What if she likes it? What if she's repulsed by it but "Damn, that's a lot of fucking money for something that will be over relatively quickly?" If you've ever watched porn or looked at porn online or what have you--and by IF I mean WHEN--don't tell me you haven't seen women who look like they're drunk/drugged out of their fucking mind while their boyfriend takes digital pics of her with his cock in her. On a very basic level, I'm more repulsed by that because it's PLAIN AND CLEAR that the person in that is not in control of their emotions/actions, and might be getting a thrill from something they'll later regret, IF ONLY because it might end up online.

Without context, it's foolish to assume what is going on with that woman.

Moral of the story: No, it doesn't turn me on, but if it does you? Fucking wank away, my friend, wank away.

2. Butter or margerine, and why?

Well, butter is pretty much a better taste, but sometimes you want that yellowy-plastic taste, you know?
Oh, and margarine spreads better when you're dealing with soft bread and cold butter.

3. Name five of your favorite bands. Why do you like them?

Right, I'm talking bands AND solo acts here. Want to laugh at me about any of them? Go for it. You've got yours, too, and you know it. Only difference is that I won't apologize for any of mine.

THE POGUES: Not your everyday, average drunken Irish band, right? I mean, sure they've got the requisite songs about drinking and gambling, but you listen to "Fairytale of New York" late at night with a bottle of whiskey in your hand and tell me that's not fucking magic righ there. Yeah, they've got a bit of a depressing history, what with Shane McGowan's self-destructive lifestyle and all, but...dunno, doesn't that sometimes add a sort of twisted humanity to something that's already great from a musical standpoint?

They're not just a drinking band, as some people have reduced them to, they're fucking Irish-English-rock/punk. They're political, they're celebratory, they're fucking out of their heads. The number of bands they've influenced, and this remarkable sub-genre that they founded...just amazing.

Start with the album IF I SHOULD FALL FROM GRACE WITH GOD. If you don't like it, you won't like them. RUM, SODOMY, AND THE LASH is what I'd go to next. Already know them? Try watching IF I SHOULD FALL FROM GRACE..., a documentary about McGowan. Have tissues ready.

PET SHOP BOYS:

Perfected pop, that's what these bastards have done. About half of you out there will say "Didn't they have a hit song in the 80's?" About one-quarter of you will say "They're still around, sure, but nobody listens to them." The rest will either something or something else.
Look, it's easy to dismiss them as simple dancepop, but if you ever stop to listen to the lyrics, you'll find something else. No, not every song is a lyrical masterpiece, or a musical accomplishment, but they've put out some incredible stuff over the years. Perspective? In the past twenty years they've had forty songs in the top thirty of the UK charts and four number ones.

Neil Tennant has a fantastic voice--even after twenty-some years of singing--and Chris Lowe is an amazing musician. And he's got perfect pitch. You listen to some of their songs and think "Yay, dance!" and you listen to others and you think, "Yay, pop!" and you listen to others and you think "Yay...wait, is this a happy-sounding song that's really about life as a gay man over the years of the AIDS epidemic? Jesus..."

Want to try their early stuff, go for ACTUALLY (1987): Great pop, great ballads, great lyrics when you listen.
Early nineties? VERY, often considered their most important album, since it's got lots of songs addressing homosexual topics, and Tennant came out immediately after it's release.
Latinish-dancy with great lyrics? BILINGUAL.
Most recent and almost entirely political? FUNDAMENTAL

COWBOY JUNKIES:

You've only ever heard "Sweet Jane," right? Or maybe "Me and the Devil Blues?" Yeah, you've heard them, but unless you're already a fan, you've only heard some of their soundtrack songs.

Rectify this immediately.

I don't know what the hell to describe them as. They're not country, they're not rock, but they're both. One moment haunting, the next uplifting, the next really fucking haunting, they defy convention whenever possible. Sweet fuck, they're difficult as hell to describe.

Look, go buy BLACK EYED MAN. If you don't like it, I'll mail you something. I promise that it won't be an envelope full of poop. Or at least, it won't all be poop.

THE PIXIES:

If I could only listen to one album for the rest of my life, DOOLITTLE would make the short list, no questions asked. Frank Black's indescribable vocal sound, Kim Deal's SOLID FUCKING ROCK, a kind of music that is--as with many bands I like--clearly made of many different genres, but not able to be nailed-down as any single one.

It's harder for me to break-down the Pixies as well as I can other bands, as their music really needs to speak for itself.

I think I want to die as the Pogues sing "Fairytale of New York" and have my death be quickly followed by the Pixies singing "Wave of Mutilation."

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS:

The two Johns--Linnell and Flansburgh--have been playing together for about 24 years now, and they change and stay the same with every album they release. Sure, they're a good bit of fun, but they're accomplished musicians and brilliantly twisted lyricists as well. To dismiss them, off-hand, as being a novelty act is something that is usually done by somebody who's judging them by the three songs of theirs that you've heard on the radio.

Yeah, songs like "Dig My Grave," a 60 second heavy-metal song about...umm...death, I guess, are off-the-cuff little things, but "Ana Ng" and "Don't Let's Start" throw me into Awesome Mode every time I hear them. And they're not just a great band, they're great performers. Making up songs on the spot, adapting their show for the venue, doing a series of improved songs in which they did one for each of the Planet of the Apes movies and then hiding them on the end of an album.

Christmas album? Yes. But it also sings about Chkahnnukhaha and their first album has a song about a guy's wife cheating on him with their friend who dresses like Santa every year.

Start where you should, with their first album, self-titled and sometimes called "The Pink Album" and then go to their second, "LINCOLN," and then hit their best-known, and some people will argue their best, album FLOOD

DO it.

4. Whats up with the internet? Seriously?

It's amazing, isn't it? I love living in the future. Playing with the internet is like looking inside my own brain. Terrifying and brilliant and insane and magnificent and IS THAT A FUCKING EEL?!

5. What's your favorite food?

Don't have one, as such, but I'll give you a quick list: kimchi, properly-made Chinese fried rice, thick-slab pork chops, kohlrabi, whiskey,  cheese, unagi, umm...yeah, basically anything that isn't a tomato.
[personal profile] luzclarita is up next on THE FIVE QUESTIONS THING:

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1. DCC or LCC?

DCC, no question.

First of all, the nostalgia factor comes into play. I've lived with DCC my whole life, and it's a like a special library code for me.
Second, there's the fact that I've got so much of it memorized.
Most importantly, though, I think it's both practical AND fun. LCC is a little to academia-based, with huge areas for history and the like, but smaller areas for arts, et al. Not to mention that it only gets updated every so often, and that each classification is done by a different group of people.

To me, DCC just makes more linear sense, which is contrary to what most think. I like following the occasionally ridiculously long trail of numbers to get what I want. Also, there seems to be more fun in browsing DCC than LCC.

Finally? LCC ain't go NOTHING on things like 791.4372On122co. That's the call number for the DVD of On the Waterfront.
No significance, but look at the magnificence of that call no. It would only be better if it had v.2 cop.2 at the end. :)

2. What do you call your parents? Like you have nicknames for your wife, do you call your parents anything and how do they respond?

The most frequent ones are Mama and Papa. Not said in any sort of southern drawl way (i.e. Maw-maw or Paw).
Originally Mama was Mom, which became Ma after that's how she started to refer to herself.
Originally Papa was Dad, but never Father or Pa or anything like that.

I sometimes wonder if my OCD/Tourettes desire for words to "sound right" led to Mama and Papa. Sometimes they're even Mama-mama or Papa-papa. It's something in the rhythm, right?

When calling them, I usually say "Is this my mama?" or "Papa, is that you?" It's just kinda fun, you know?

For my stepfather, he's always been Uncle Natey, or occasionally Nate #1. His son is Nathan, jr., so he is--of couse--Nate 1000 to me.
It's a confusing story that even I don't understand, but eventually I decided that if Nathan was the father, and he was #1, then his son Nathan would be 1000, kinda like the Terminators, you know?

For my stepmother, she's Sandy. My father originally tried to ease in "Mom 2" and then eventually dropped the 2 and just calls her Mom.
I originally fought that, but I've long since decided that he can call her whatever he wants in reference to me. He can say "Ask your mom what she thinks," and I'll call out "Hey, Sandy? Dad wants to know if eating an entire chicken in 45 minutes is a bad idea."

3. If you were secret emperor of the world, how would you make it better? That is, if you could dictate the actions of world governments, flow of money etc. what would you like to see happen?


Ugh. I hate questions like this. I could write books on this, but how about I keep things relatively simple?

Money?
Absolve the debt of all "third world" countries. They're never going to get out of the holes that both they AND the rest of the world have dug them into, and to believe otherwise is silly and politically-motivated. Simplistic, sure, but that's how I'm keeping all of my answers here.
Oddly, I'm also in favor of an incredibly well-thought-out flat tax...kinda. The current systems punishes the wrong people and rewards the wrong people.

Conflict?
Let's start by cutting Africa a fucking break already. It went through CENTURIES of its people being picked-up for slavery and being brought under "benevolent" colonial rule. Now the rest of the world is trying to force democracy on a continent that still functions on a tribal level. That's a silly thing to do. Work with people how they are, don't try to mold them into what we think would be best and then get stunned when it doesn't work.

Also, fucking drop the egos when it comes to talking to Iran and N.Korea and even fucking Russia. It's not about who has the longer cock or who has the tighter vagina. It's about THE ENTIRE FUCKING HUMAN RACE AND ALL OTHER LIFE ON THIS PLANET NOT BEING DESTROYED. N.Korea wants two party talks? Find out why. But more importantly, DO IT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ORIGINALLY FUCKING PROMISED THEM. Iran fucking hates us? Makes sense. Their leader, however, is batshit, and Lao Tzu taught that when dealing with madmen, one must occasionally act like a madman. I'm not saying embrace his "THERE WAS NO HOLOCAUST!" viewpoint, but approaching certain topics with the American point of view only, with only our interests in mind? It's no wonder we can't do it.

Last one, and pretty contentious? No death penalty. Anywhere. If people somewhere say that they demand it, then here's how it goes down. All men, women, and children are given lottery numbers when it's time to execute somebody. Everybody 5 and older will be eligible. The condemned person will be tied tightly to a thick pole in the ground. The people chosen for the lottery--maybe five or six people--will be given one-inch pine dowel rods and must beat the person to death. They are not allowed to slow down or rest until the person is dead. Since one-inch pine splinters sometimes, you'll have to get a new one if yours breaks, or use the shorter piece. No stabbing from a distance, only actual blows to the body. Then you leave the body RIGHT THERE, UNTOUCHED for a week.

Think that might teach people a bit better lesson than 14 years of appeals and the vague concept of a gas chamber? Maybe.
Think that might teach people what it really means for society to punish another human being with their death? Hell. Fucking. Yeah.

4. Kids or no kids? Why?

Brutal question for me. I'm a cesspool of neurological disorders. If I have a male child, 50%-plus chance that he'll have Tourette's. Lower for a girl, but still...add to that bipolar disorder and OCD and who knows what else? A pretty strong argument can be made that I should never have children.

Adoption=always an option.
Artificial insemination=less of an option, to me, just because.

If a child somehow, probably just one, two MAXIMUM, but likely just the one.

But yeah, I wouldn't object to a child. I wouldn't even objection to a "natural" child, because I'd be here for it, to help it as much as is humanly possible, from day one, to help it play whatever hand it's dealt.

I love kids, and I like to think I'd be okay at the whole father thing.

5. Do you ever feel bad about yourself even though you know you're awesome? Like sometimes I feel like a jerk even though I know I'm not etc.

Are you fucking kidding me? That's like asking....umm...something if it's...something.

Not looking for pity on this one, nor do I want a bunch of responses contradicting me, but with the way my brain works and the way it sees me?

The best way I can explain it is that yes, I see what you're saying when you say something nice, I just see the other bad things at the same time. And I may not even AGREE with the things you're telling me.

I take your opinions into consideration, how's that?

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Want to ask me five questions? Do so in the comments section here. Every set will be answered in a separate post.
Check previous Five Questions things by clicking up top or on the "five questions" tag below. I'll answer very damn near any question you ask--I've no shame or embarassment--but some question will be omitted if they might cause mental discomfort to others involved in the answers. :)
Ugh. Still don't feel entirely awake. Wish I'd slept more. Glad I have tomorrow off.

As such, I'll be doing a relatively easy (sorry, [profile] g0dz17la ) Five Questions thingie this time.

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1.) Who's stronger Thor or the Hulk?

Believe it or not, I've always loved this question and have contemplated it a number of times. Here's the way I break it down:

Being a God doesn't necessarily mean that you're the strongest motherfucker that there is. Being the Norse God of Asskickery means you're off to a good start.

Hulk? He's just the strongest mortal, right? We say that like it's a limitation of some sort.

See, I always figured that pound-for-pound, Hulk would win in a regular fight because...wait for it...using a mystical, indestructible hammer is a cheap way to win. You take that away from Goldilocks? I figure that Thor would pull the upper hand--and being a God, wouldn't do a lot of tiring--but that as time went by and Hulk got madder, the tide would start turning as the big green guy started really laying into the God of Thunder.

Or, if you want Thor to keep his hammer, let Hulk have Cap's shield. :)

2.) Which online Orkut or LJ person would you want to meet most in real life?

Jesus, like that isn't putting me on the spot. Now anybody who isn't picked is going to fucking hate me.
Allow me to break it down a bit, after saying that I Want To Meet All of Them At Once At a Massive Party.

Orkut: Person I'd like to meet the most after years of helpful emotional attachment is easily Tat. She and I each helped the other through some stumbling times.

Orkut: Person I'd most like to party with? You and yer girl. The world would never recover.

LJ: First, gotta meet [profile] man_size, as he's already helped my fledgling comic career more than I could have ever hoped.

LJ: Second...Jesus, this is a tough one...party for a week in Antarctica with [personal profile] funranium , then get an apartment with [profile] bobo_dreams and allow our Geekness to overtake the world.

Overall winner? [personal profile] fairyarmadillo. I've known her online for about thirteen years now, and the fact that we've never been able to meet is a fucking crime. It makes me sad to think about it.

3.) What's your favorite day of the year?

Usually Halloween. I've only ever not dressed-up ONCE in my life, and that year was only because we were driving hundreds of miles.
It's such a great day, and seeing other insane people dressed up is great. Scary movies and societal permission to dress like I'm batshit? PERFECT!

4.) What was your least favorite comic book plot cop-out (ie: dead hero not dead anymore)?

Most Recent: Captain America surrendering at the end of the Marvel Civil War. Don't tell me one of the world's premier tactical geniuses didn't think that a big-ass fuckoff fight in downtown New York wouldn't happen. I actually liked most of Civil War--especially if you include Paul Jenkins's Front Line--but to let it fizz out RIGHT when it should bang? Silly.

Of all time? Tough call, but I'm going with when they undid practically every beautiful thing--from Xorn, to Magneto's end, to Phoenix--that Grant Morrison did during his magnificent NEW X-MEN run.

5.) If we came to visit what would we do?

We'd party. Not silly nonstop drinking party--although there would be at least one night of that, where we'd all wake up on the living room floor half-naked and covered in something sticky--but doing every imaginable fun thing that we could. We'd take you to Allerton Park, then we'd eat at Milo's, maybe? We'd hit El Charro one day for the best Mexican food in Illinois, then probably go see something at The Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, then we'd have all of our friends meet you guys, and then there'd be a pool party with Anne and Bob at Joe and Bethany's and then drive through miniscule towns in the countryside, and...

You'd go home with your bodies exhausted and your souls fulfilled.

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Got Five Questions? Ask.
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b
Right, [profile] ericfmyers is up next on my Five Questions Thingie:

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1. How come Godzilla never attacked Chicago?

Well, motherfucker is an amphibian, right? So from a purely practical view, that's a lot of goddamned land to walk across.
Let's say he comes ashore at Colonial Beach, Virginia--which seems to be his best landing area, if he wants to avoid D.C.--and heads straight to Chi-town. That's 766 miles across PURE land.

What if the G wants to get some water in there. Comes ashore at Bridgeport, Connecticut and heads to Buffalo, New York and does some swimming/walking until Detroit. Then it's two hundred miles worth of land from Detroit to Chicago.

Not worth Godzilla's time.

2. If the "birds and the bees" where supposed to teach us about sex, where does the penis and vagina come in at?

The penis comes in at the vagina.

3. Did John Wilkes Booth act alone or was he part of a larger conspiracy?

Conspiracy. It's clear that he had assistance to prepare for the ordeal and the subsequent escape, however bungled it may have been by his ill-conceived jump. Still, they should have left the doctor out of it. What was he gonna do, NOT help Booth and get shot?

Anyway, he had help, but probably no more than most assassins have. I mean, John Hinkley, Jr, nearly managed to off Reagan by himself and he was batshit and lived in modern times. Booth had help but didn't need much.

4. If the human race could organize and time our jumps just right, could we avoid all asteroid collisions in the future?

Yes, by tearing the Earth out of its orbit and plunging it either towards the sun or into deep space. But, hey, at least those options would both buy us a little more time, right?

5. Our senses feed the brain second hand information. Does this mean that life is just another part of our imagination?

I consider our brains to be the most unreliable narrators possible, so I'm  firm believer that a lot of what we see could be either wrong or adapted by each of our brains to process as it sees fit.

Ignoring the usual "How do you know that what you call brown is the same as what I call brown" and "If I'm the only one who knows he's thinking, how do I know that you're not all figments of my imagination?" arguments, there's still a lot to be said for what's "real."

Even on the most basic level, the moment I see anything, my brain responds to it in a particularly way, like "light is bright" or "snow is cold" or "Harold and Maude is sad." The assignation of states-of-being or emotional responses to each item we see--not to mention how often those responses change--means that our brain cannot be trusted to feed us a steady stream of trustworthy imformation. Indeed, the same thing may register differently from one day to the next.

As such, yeah. I think everything we see is, at bare minimum, tweaked by what we feel and what we think we know and what we don't know, which is close enough to imagination.

Now shush, I'm disbelieving you.     

---------

Got questions? Ask
Oddly, we're going to start with [profile] michtrebies on my Five Questions Thingie:

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1 God or no God.

That's a rough one, which is why I'm starting with it. God? Not as such, no. While some will not be stunned and...well, probably fewer will be stunned, I'm not a believer. Sure, I figure that Jesus was probably a kickass guy, but...blind faith is so strange. Please don't think of that as me knocking any faith you may have. That would be rude on both of our parts.

I believe in more than just the self and the table in front of me, but not like one would think. I believe in the inherent power of concepts. I believe in the energy behind belief, if that makes sense. I believe that people believing in Jesus gives that concept power, which fuels other things, but I also believe that people can manipulate that on a personal scale. I'm in Grant Morrison's camp of people being able to manipulate reality on the quantum level ON THEIR OWN. Law of conservation of energy, sure. But...man, this is such a fuzzy topic. I could talk about this for days, literally days.

I believe in the power of symbols, and beliefs, and the power inherent in concepts and in the ability of the individual to change the course of the population from the privacy of their own home. There are connection that...aw, hell, I need whiskey. Summation? No.

2 Marvel vs Dc.

Howsabout we split the difference? I was raised on Marvel--first comic that I remember reading and loving was Dr. Strange, v.1, #12.--but I also read DC at the same time.

I like to view the two as I often did when growing up. When I want slam-bang HOLY SHIT fighting, I want Marvel.
If I want a more-involved, and sometimes slower, story, then I hit D.C. Yeah, Superman is a motherfucker, but it's hard to make a punchout fight with him that isn't forced. Stories that take him outside of that--while still preserving that aspect--work really well. Just the same, I love seeing Spider-Man fight the new Sinister Six for SIX ISSUES STRAIGHT under Erik Larsen, but...well, Kraven's Last Hunt was pretty damned good, too.

It depends on who's writing and what mood I'm in.

And whether or not it's the nineties.

Summation: Only one forever? Make Mine Marvel

3. Why do hurt the ones we love.

How can we have one of the two strongest emotions without the other? To think that love can come without hate, which brings pain, is naive and dangerous.

Love is incredible, but as I recently discussed with somebody whose name escapes me, how could you really love somebody who didn't, on occasion, infuriate you?

I couldn't.

4. Super power you always wanted.

This will peg me, 100%, as the geek I really am, but I want Doug "Cypher" Ramsey's powers. Look him up, you Philistines.
Can you imagine speaking to any people, going to any country, picking up any book, and knowing EXACTLY what's going on, nuances included? The ability to read / speak / understand any language you encounter would be the most spectacular thing I could possibly imagine.

Books. Culture. People. All there to hear. Astonishing.

5. Your own reality show, what would it be. You can be outside the box.


Cancelled before its first episode airs.

I hate that shit.

---------

Got Questions? ASK.

Everybody loves the whole "ASK ME FIVE QUESTIONS" memething.

So go for it. Ask me five questions.

About anything. Anything about me, or what I do, or what I love, or who I am, or why the shit I have a copy of the comic Lady Cop on my wall, or how I justify demanding that Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn be made available on DVD, or why I own so many goddamned books, or what I'd do if they took away my Tourette's.

I'll get to everybody's questions in time--not necessarily in order of arrival, and it will take a little while. Each set will be answered in a separate post. Each post will end with an invitation for more questions. You each only get the five, though...make 'em count.

Bring it. And bring your friends.

Get ready, True Believer, because everything you thought you knew about benjamin...WAS WRONG!

b
Ready to eat a pizza and watch Jesus Camp with his ladywife

January 2016

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