"For some reason our kindergartener decided he wanted to sell his artwork to pay for a new skateboard.  We are not sure how he came to the conclusion selling his artwork on the internet would be lucrative but there you have it.  To give it a proper art auction feel lets say:

"Up for sale is a interesting piece entitled "First Robot on Earth" by Shay.  It is signed boldly in crayon at the top by the artist.  The title is handwritten in pencil at the bottom. The piece measures 8.5 inches by 11 inches. The artist used both pencil and crayon.  This piece would look lovely framed or attached with a  magnet to a refrigerator.  The artwork will ship promptly and is sure to appreciate in value.  This is a remarkable investment opportunity.  We will start this sale at the exceptionally low price of just 99 cents."   

Thanks for looking and please email the artist any questions or comments you might have."

Current price is 2 dollars, no shipping.
CLICK THE PIC AND BID.

It can't hurt. :D

Love,

benjamin
So I'm doing my usual link-surfing--this time through eBay--and I came across a strangely listed item that is utterly fantastic.

Check this bad boy out:



It turns out that a little kid named Joshua is raising money so he can buy presents--with his own money--for his brothers and sister. From what I can tell, it's not a scam or anything like that. Indeed, it'd be a pretty silly scam if it were one. Double indeed, the seller has 209 sales and 100% positive feedback.

ANYWAY...all four of the drawings start at $1.00 and shipping is completely free. It seems that only one person has bid on them so far, and it's all been the same bidder, so I suspect it may be a family member or somesuch. The auctions have been going for a while and only have one day left.

So here's what I propose: go to the link below and if you've got a couple of bucks to spare, bid on a kid's dinosaur drawings. Again, the shipping is free and I imagine 9 year-old Joshua will freak out a little if he makes more than four dollars. :D

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE AWESOME ART. AND GET ONE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

I'm off to re-bid on the Spinosaurus.

Smooches,

benjamin
Via [profile] rainofbastards:

All fucking kid songs should be this good. Bless you, Aquabats.

FIVE QUESTIONS TIME!

This time they're from
[profile] dr_aj 
...
1.) What is a song you love but you are too embarrassed to tell people?

See, there you go, assuming that I have a sense of embarrassment. :) Seriously, you're talking to somebody who has the following songs on his computer:

Sugar in the Marmalade - Leon Lai
Winkle Picker Shoes Blues - Bernard Cribbins
Got Rice - Azn Pride
Tarzan Boy - Baltimora
My Pal Foot Foot - The Shaggs
Closer to Wannabe - NIN vs Spice Girls

And those are just the first six that popped into my head out of my 15,000 songs...

I can't think of anything at all, off the top of my head, that I'm even vaguely ashamed of. :)

2.) How many times have you had your heart broken?

I'm supposed to be able to quantify this?
Umm...
Five...ish.
For various reasons, not all romantically inclined, either.
And that's just actual BREAKINGS, not just crackings...

3.) Are you all planning any kids?

Bit of a dodgy choice for Lovely Wife Sara and I. Allow me to work backwards through the facts/concerns:

a) Maximum of two, probably just one. For us, more than that seems irresponsible on a number of levels.

b) Would it be better to adopt a child or two? After all, they're already here,

c) I have a host of neurological disorders, and while I like to think that I could safely guide my child/ren through anything they may go through as a result of any they inherit, it's still a hell of a weight to consider,

d) Can you imagine small benjamins / benjaminettes? Pride / terror are equally balanced.

4.) What is the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?

That clam jerky was not as high up the list as you might have thought.
I have to say that the worst things I can think of have all been spoiled things, like when I bit into a hard-boiled egg that had been bad before I cooked it. Or the time that I bought milk from a vending machine, opened the paper top, poured half of the container into my mouth before realizing it was chunky, and then spitting it all over the floor of the student union.

Also, one person goes on that list, but they will never ever be named ever.

5.) What is your earliest memory of me?

LARP. Ventrue. I thought, "Not only is this woman rather attractive--in a creepy business-lady-like way right now--but she's acting the hell out of several people around her, and Jesus shit, what the fuck was that look for? Oh, right, 'cause the tag on my shirt says "Shotgun Across Back" and I think I might have just called her a bitch."

This may or not be complete. That's the best my memory works, I'm afraid.

------------------

I'm still taking requests for more questions, kids.
[personal profile] luzclarita is up next on THE FIVE QUESTIONS THING:

------------------

1. DCC or LCC?

DCC, no question.

First of all, the nostalgia factor comes into play. I've lived with DCC my whole life, and it's a like a special library code for me.
Second, there's the fact that I've got so much of it memorized.
Most importantly, though, I think it's both practical AND fun. LCC is a little to academia-based, with huge areas for history and the like, but smaller areas for arts, et al. Not to mention that it only gets updated every so often, and that each classification is done by a different group of people.

To me, DCC just makes more linear sense, which is contrary to what most think. I like following the occasionally ridiculously long trail of numbers to get what I want. Also, there seems to be more fun in browsing DCC than LCC.

Finally? LCC ain't go NOTHING on things like 791.4372On122co. That's the call number for the DVD of On the Waterfront.
No significance, but look at the magnificence of that call no. It would only be better if it had v.2 cop.2 at the end. :)

2. What do you call your parents? Like you have nicknames for your wife, do you call your parents anything and how do they respond?

The most frequent ones are Mama and Papa. Not said in any sort of southern drawl way (i.e. Maw-maw or Paw).
Originally Mama was Mom, which became Ma after that's how she started to refer to herself.
Originally Papa was Dad, but never Father or Pa or anything like that.

I sometimes wonder if my OCD/Tourettes desire for words to "sound right" led to Mama and Papa. Sometimes they're even Mama-mama or Papa-papa. It's something in the rhythm, right?

When calling them, I usually say "Is this my mama?" or "Papa, is that you?" It's just kinda fun, you know?

For my stepfather, he's always been Uncle Natey, or occasionally Nate #1. His son is Nathan, jr., so he is--of couse--Nate 1000 to me.
It's a confusing story that even I don't understand, but eventually I decided that if Nathan was the father, and he was #1, then his son Nathan would be 1000, kinda like the Terminators, you know?

For my stepmother, she's Sandy. My father originally tried to ease in "Mom 2" and then eventually dropped the 2 and just calls her Mom.
I originally fought that, but I've long since decided that he can call her whatever he wants in reference to me. He can say "Ask your mom what she thinks," and I'll call out "Hey, Sandy? Dad wants to know if eating an entire chicken in 45 minutes is a bad idea."

3. If you were secret emperor of the world, how would you make it better? That is, if you could dictate the actions of world governments, flow of money etc. what would you like to see happen?


Ugh. I hate questions like this. I could write books on this, but how about I keep things relatively simple?

Money?
Absolve the debt of all "third world" countries. They're never going to get out of the holes that both they AND the rest of the world have dug them into, and to believe otherwise is silly and politically-motivated. Simplistic, sure, but that's how I'm keeping all of my answers here.
Oddly, I'm also in favor of an incredibly well-thought-out flat tax...kinda. The current systems punishes the wrong people and rewards the wrong people.

Conflict?
Let's start by cutting Africa a fucking break already. It went through CENTURIES of its people being picked-up for slavery and being brought under "benevolent" colonial rule. Now the rest of the world is trying to force democracy on a continent that still functions on a tribal level. That's a silly thing to do. Work with people how they are, don't try to mold them into what we think would be best and then get stunned when it doesn't work.

Also, fucking drop the egos when it comes to talking to Iran and N.Korea and even fucking Russia. It's not about who has the longer cock or who has the tighter vagina. It's about THE ENTIRE FUCKING HUMAN RACE AND ALL OTHER LIFE ON THIS PLANET NOT BEING DESTROYED. N.Korea wants two party talks? Find out why. But more importantly, DO IT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ORIGINALLY FUCKING PROMISED THEM. Iran fucking hates us? Makes sense. Their leader, however, is batshit, and Lao Tzu taught that when dealing with madmen, one must occasionally act like a madman. I'm not saying embrace his "THERE WAS NO HOLOCAUST!" viewpoint, but approaching certain topics with the American point of view only, with only our interests in mind? It's no wonder we can't do it.

Last one, and pretty contentious? No death penalty. Anywhere. If people somewhere say that they demand it, then here's how it goes down. All men, women, and children are given lottery numbers when it's time to execute somebody. Everybody 5 and older will be eligible. The condemned person will be tied tightly to a thick pole in the ground. The people chosen for the lottery--maybe five or six people--will be given one-inch pine dowel rods and must beat the person to death. They are not allowed to slow down or rest until the person is dead. Since one-inch pine splinters sometimes, you'll have to get a new one if yours breaks, or use the shorter piece. No stabbing from a distance, only actual blows to the body. Then you leave the body RIGHT THERE, UNTOUCHED for a week.

Think that might teach people a bit better lesson than 14 years of appeals and the vague concept of a gas chamber? Maybe.
Think that might teach people what it really means for society to punish another human being with their death? Hell. Fucking. Yeah.

4. Kids or no kids? Why?

Brutal question for me. I'm a cesspool of neurological disorders. If I have a male child, 50%-plus chance that he'll have Tourette's. Lower for a girl, but still...add to that bipolar disorder and OCD and who knows what else? A pretty strong argument can be made that I should never have children.

Adoption=always an option.
Artificial insemination=less of an option, to me, just because.

If a child somehow, probably just one, two MAXIMUM, but likely just the one.

But yeah, I wouldn't object to a child. I wouldn't even objection to a "natural" child, because I'd be here for it, to help it as much as is humanly possible, from day one, to help it play whatever hand it's dealt.

I love kids, and I like to think I'd be okay at the whole father thing.

5. Do you ever feel bad about yourself even though you know you're awesome? Like sometimes I feel like a jerk even though I know I'm not etc.

Are you fucking kidding me? That's like asking....umm...something if it's...something.

Not looking for pity on this one, nor do I want a bunch of responses contradicting me, but with the way my brain works and the way it sees me?

The best way I can explain it is that yes, I see what you're saying when you say something nice, I just see the other bad things at the same time. And I may not even AGREE with the things you're telling me.

I take your opinions into consideration, how's that?

------------------
Want to ask me five questions? Do so in the comments section here. Every set will be answered in a separate post.
Check previous Five Questions things by clicking up top or on the "five questions" tag below. I'll answer very damn near any question you ask--I've no shame or embarassment--but some question will be omitted if they might cause mental discomfort to others involved in the answers. :)

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