Touch me. Touch me like you didn't touch me last night.

fairyarmadillo and I went to Orlando for my Thanksgivingbirthday this year, upon invite from my mother and stepfather.

Everybody liked everybody else.

I took a few pictures.

Click the pic.

For moar.

You see, I can't remember the last time I saw my mama on her birthday. She's lived in Florida since the very beginning of the 90's, and while I see her a few times a year, it hasn't been on her birthday since who knows when.

And since my Mama is THE HEIGHT OF FANTASTIC and one of the smartest, funniest, and by far kindest people I've ever had the pleasure to know in my entire life...well, she's had more of an impact on who I am today than anybody else in the world. As such, I like to do something for her on her birthday. She hates getting gifts, though, so I've been doing this instead, ever since I had to telnet into my uiuc.edu account using a 14.4 modem, where I would then read my e-mail using Pine...

HERE'S THE DEAL:

Her e-mail is n8annet@hotmail.com.

I don't care if you know her or not. Indeed, only a small handful of you have ever even seen her. Doesn't matter.

Take a few seconds right now and send her a birthday greeting.

It doesn't have to be anything other than "Your son sent me; Happy Birthday Annet Stein! He's batshit insane but I nice guy, I guess if you're cool with batshit insane!"

You can do it however you want, simple or complex...but don't go sending her goatse shots or I'll track you down and kick your ovaries so hard they'll knock your eyes out from the inside.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE OVARIES.

Keep in the spirit of her birthday, yo.

And you know what?

Tell your friends.

Tell all of 'em. Repost this in YOUR LJ and tell people to wish my Mama a happy birthday.

Help celebrate the woman who, when it comes to me, did the absolute best with what she was given to work with. :)

Here she is at Peking Garden Chinese Restaurant with her eyes partly closed. :)



Thanks,

b

You see, I can't remember the last time I saw my mama on her birthday. She's lived in Florida since the very beginning of the 90's, and while I see her a few times a year, it hasn't been on her birthday since who knows when.

And since my Mama is THE HEIGHT OF FANTASTIC and one of the smartest, funniest, and by far kindest people I've ever had the pleasure to know in my entire life...well, she's had more of an impact on who I am today than anybody else in the world. As such, I like to do something for her on her birthday. She hates getting gifts, though, so I've been doing this instead, ever since I had to telnet into my uiuc.edu account using a 14.4 modem, where I would then read my e-mail using Pine...

HERE'S THE DEAL: 

Her e-mail is n8annet@hotmail.com.

I don't care if you know her or not. Indeed, only a small handful of you have ever even seen her. Doesn't matter.

Take a few seconds right now and send her a birthday greeting.

It doesn't have to be anything other than "Your son sent me; Happy Birthday Annet Stein! He's batshit insane but I nice guy, I guess if you're cool with batshit insane!"

You can do it however you want, simple or complex...but don't go sending her goatse shots or I'll track you down and kick your ovaries so hard they'll knock your eyes out from the inside.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE OVARIES.

Keep in the spirit of her birthday, yo.

And you know what?

Tell your friends.

Tell all of 'em. Repost this in YOUR LJ and tell people to wish my Mama a happy birthday.

Help celebrate the woman who, when it comes to me, did the absolute best with what she was given to work with. :)

Here are two photos of Mama in front of two different laundry machines. One of them is in France. One of them has the leg of my youngest brother, Nathan.

We love us some laundry, we do...


  

luzclarita is up next on THE FIVE QUESTIONS THING:

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1. DCC or LCC?

DCC, no question.

First of all, the nostalgia factor comes into play. I've lived with DCC my whole life, and it's a like a special library code for me.
Second, there's the fact that I've got so much of it memorized.
Most importantly, though, I think it's both practical AND fun. LCC is a little to academia-based, with huge areas for history and the like, but smaller areas for arts, et al. Not to mention that it only gets updated every so often, and that each classification is done by a different group of people.

To me, DCC just makes more linear sense, which is contrary to what most think. I like following the occasionally ridiculously long trail of numbers to get what I want. Also, there seems to be more fun in browsing DCC than LCC.

Finally? LCC ain't go NOTHING on things like 791.4372On122co. That's the call number for the DVD of On the Waterfront.
No significance, but look at the magnificence of that call no. It would only be better if it had v.2 cop.2 at the end. :)

2. What do you call your parents? Like you have nicknames for your wife, do you call your parents anything and how do they respond?

The most frequent ones are Mama and Papa. Not said in any sort of southern drawl way (i.e. Maw-maw or Paw).
Originally Mama was Mom, which became Ma after that's how she started to refer to herself.
Originally Papa was Dad, but never Father or Pa or anything like that.

I sometimes wonder if my OCD/Tourettes desire for words to "sound right" led to Mama and Papa. Sometimes they're even Mama-mama or Papa-papa. It's something in the rhythm, right?

When calling them, I usually say "Is this my mama?" or "Papa, is that you?" It's just kinda fun, you know?

For my stepfather, he's always been Uncle Natey, or occasionally Nate #1. His son is Nathan, jr., so he is--of couse--Nate 1000 to me.
It's a confusing story that even I don't understand, but eventually I decided that if Nathan was the father, and he was #1, then his son Nathan would be 1000, kinda like the Terminators, you know?

For my stepmother, she's Sandy. My father originally tried to ease in "Mom 2" and then eventually dropped the 2 and just calls her Mom.
I originally fought that, but I've long since decided that he can call her whatever he wants in reference to me. He can say "Ask your mom what she thinks," and I'll call out "Hey, Sandy? Dad wants to know if eating an entire chicken in 45 minutes is a bad idea."

3. If you were secret emperor of the world, how would you make it better? That is, if you could dictate the actions of world governments, flow of money etc. what would you like to see happen?

Ugh. I hate questions like this. I could write books on this, but how about I keep things relatively simple?

Money?
Absolve the debt of all "third world" countries. They're never going to get out of the holes that both they AND the rest of the world have dug them into, and to believe otherwise is silly and politically-motivated. Simplistic, sure, but that's how I'm keeping all of my answers here.
Oddly, I'm also in favor of an incredibly well-thought-out flat tax...kinda. The current systems punishes the wrong people and rewards the wrong people.

Conflict?
Let's start by cutting Africa a fucking break already. It went through CENTURIES of its people being picked-up for slavery and being brought under "benevolent" colonial rule. Now the rest of the world is trying to force democracy on a continent that still functions on a tribal level. That's a silly thing to do. Work with people how they are, don't try to mold them into what we think would be best and then get stunned when it doesn't work.

Also, fucking drop the egos when it comes to talking to Iran and N.Korea and even fucking Russia. It's not about who has the longer cock or who has the tighter vagina. It's about THE ENTIRE FUCKING HUMAN RACE AND ALL OTHER LIFE ON THIS PLANET NOT BEING DESTROYED. N.Korea wants two party talks? Find out why. But more importantly, DO IT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ORIGINALLY FUCKING PROMISED THEM. Iran fucking hates us? Makes sense. Their leader, however, is batshit, and Lao Tzu taught that when dealing with madmen, one must occasionally act like a madman. I'm not saying embrace his "THERE WAS NO HOLOCAUST!" viewpoint, but approaching certain topics with the American point of view only, with only our interests in mind? It's no wonder we can't do it.

Last one, and pretty contentious? No death penalty. Anywhere. If people somewhere say that they demand it, then here's how it goes down. All men, women, and children are given lottery numbers when it's time to execute somebody. Everybody 5 and older will be eligible. The condemned person will be tied tightly to a thick pole in the ground. The people chosen for the lottery--maybe five or six people--will be given one-inch pine dowel rods and must beat the person to death. They are not allowed to slow down or rest until the person is dead. Since one-inch pine splinters sometimes, you'll have to get a new one if yours breaks, or use the shorter piece. No stabbing from a distance, only actual blows to the body. Then you leave the body RIGHT THERE, UNTOUCHED for a week.

Think that might teach people a bit better lesson than 14 years of appeals and the vague concept of a gas chamber? Maybe.
Think that might teach people what it really means for society to punish another human being with their death? Hell. Fucking. Yeah.

4. Kids or no kids? Why?

Brutal question for me. I'm a cesspool of neurological disorders. If I have a male child, 50%-plus chance that he'll have Tourette's. Lower for a girl, but still...add to that bipolar disorder and OCD and who knows what else? A pretty strong argument can be made that I should never have children.

Adoption=always an option.
Artificial insemination=less of an option, to me, just because.

If a child somehow, probably just one, two MAXIMUM, but likely just the one.

But yeah, I wouldn't object to a child. I wouldn't even objection to a "natural" child, because I'd be here for it, to help it as much as is humanly possible, from day one, to help it play whatever hand it's dealt.

I love kids, and I like to think I'd be okay at the whole father thing.

5. Do you ever feel bad about yourself even though you know you're awesome? Like sometimes I feel like a jerk even though I know I'm not etc.

Are you fucking kidding me? That's like asking....umm...something if it's...something.

Not looking for pity on this one, nor do I want a bunch of responses contradicting me, but with the way my brain works and the way it sees me?

The best way I can explain it is that yes, I see what you're saying when you say something nice, I just see the other bad things at the same time. And I may not even AGREE with the things you're telling me.

I take your opinions into consideration, how's that?

------------------
Want to ask me five questions? Do so in the comments section here. Every set will be answered in a separate post.
Check previous Five Questions things by clicking up top or on the "five questions" tag below. I'll answer very damn near any question you ask--I've no shame or embarassment--but some question will be omitted if they might cause mental discomfort to others involved in the answers. :)

We begin with the checks I ordered, with my very own drawing on them. Please notice the special message under the amount line...



( MORE MORE MORE, family and crazybooks and did he really eat that?! )

That's it for now. Peace out, happy holidays. I'll keep you updating on more writing and the release date for my first article-for-money.

b
Off to wrap presents, clean the house, and watch GODZILLA: FINAL WARS, the last Godzilla film for at least ten years...
(current music: Prince - "Let's Go Crazy")

            Hey, kids! It’s September 18^th, and that means it’s something like the tenth year of the Send-My-Mama-a-Birthday-Email...umm...thingie.
 
           The deal is as follows: my Mama lives in Orlando, Florida, and she kicks all available ass. I get to see her once, maybe twice, a year. This is full of suck. As such, ever year I get everybody I know – and loads of people I don’t know – to drop her a quick note wishing her a happy birthday.

            I’d appreciate it if you could take a moment to fire off a message to her. It doesn’t have to be anything lengthy or full of big words, just a little message that says her son benjamin asked you to send the e-mail, and that you’re sorry that his brain naturally produces crack cocaine.

           Also, feel free to send this message along to your friends. They don’t have to know me, or her, or even you. The more messages the better. If you get this message after the 18^th…who cares, send one anyway!

             Right, so here’s her: Annet Stein  n8annet@hotmail.com

 If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Sorry if you get this twice, that just means you’re doubly important to me. Or something.

             Now, my monkeys...TO YOUR KEYBOARDS, AND INTO HISTORY!!!

benjamin sTone
Who loves all of you creepy people
Current Music: http://www.last.fm/user/benchilada/ 

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