I've left the bastard alone for too long.



I wrote this script several years ago for a friend whose life went unexpectedly very busy. With a bit of rewriting by me and some touch-ups by [livejournal.com profile] fairyarmadillo, it's now ready for YOU. That's right, YOU!

Shit, man, I couldn't draw my way out of something you'd have to draw your way out of, but I still do it!

If you don't know who Sir Reginald is, click the link above. I've been writing stories about him for years, others have been drawing him for years, and I've even given special permission to two people to include the character in works of their own.

IMPORTANT: THERE IS NO SET DESCRIPTION OF SIR REGINALD. You get to decide what he looks like. If you need to read more stuff for ideas, click here for some of my Sir Reginald stories. A goodly number of artists have interpreted him in a goodly number of ways.

This is a five page story, originally written to be about four panels each, save for the last page. While I want you to stick to the five pages layout, the panels themselves are totally remixable by you. Want six frames? Do it. Inexplicably want one frame per page? Good luck.

Please make sure that you include the title (which you can ALSO remix) as well as the names of the writer and artist and the date on your work.

I'm shooting for a one-month "deadline," which is to say "don't spend more time than that on it unless you're really odd, in which case you should let me know that you'll be doing so."

You can't sell your interpretation. Should I ever sell any Reginald stuff and yours is included, I'm sure you'll get a share of the 18 dollars I'm paid.

THERE IS NOT A PRIZE BEING OFFERED. That is not to say that I won't try to come up with something, but I'm poor, so certainly don't expect one.


Now get started, junkies.


First, somebody just gave me an anonymous year of LiveJournal, which is pretty fucking awesome.

Thank you, Mystery Person. You're The Bee's Balls.

Also, it's been a VERY LONG TIME since I asked you to Fuck With My Art, so here, have this.

I was taking a moment from my latest Sir Reginald story because I couldn't get three words out of my head. You know, when you're writing and something else gets in your head and you need to ditch it so you can continue? I didn't know what to do with them, so here you go.

Finish the story, or draw something related to it, or take a photo of something that looks like a thing that the story reminded you of that one time.

You know. Whatever.


“Cheeseburgers for Jesus?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Cheeseburgers for Jesus.”

“I…was that a question?

“It was the first time, yeah. The second time it was a statement.”

                It’s precisely for reasons like this that I hate going Christmas shopping. You’re doing something relatively innocuous, like trying to get all of the motion-activated barking dogs to go off at the same time by jumping in front of them, then some guy who smells like gin and mustard is talking to you about cheeseburgers and Jesus.

                “So…did you want me to give cheeseburgers, um, to Jesus? Or for Jesus? Was that some sort of commentary on…I dunno, pop culture or something? Oh, pop culture and religion and consumerism, yes? I’m right, say I’m right!”

                “It’s just cheeseburgers for Jesus, man. It is what it is.”

                I looked over at a little boy who was looking at Gin and Mustard Man. I mouthed the word “run” at him but he just started laughing. I mean, REALLY laughing, like I’d just put a trout in my pants or something. Gin and Mustard Man turned at stared at the kid, who immediately started crying and ran off in search for his parents.

                “Now. Cheeseburgers for Jesus.”

                “Look, you crazy bastard, these dogs aren’t going to bark on their own, and I gotta see if somebody’s hidden one of those Judge Death figures. I found a transparent one behind the Fantastic Four movie toys, but…hey! Dude! Not fucking cool!”

HOT! I've gotten several Sir Reginald drawings in the last few days, and I feel the need to show them off.

First we have [livejournal.com profile] demongoldfish, nee Tim Pearson, who read the stories without looking at any Reg art. As such, his TWO takes are entirely different--yet eerily similar--to other people's interpretations:


Head over to his LJ and give him some lovin'. Some hot, feisty lovin'....

The second person, [livejournal.com profile] ar901, aka Adam R., is going to be borrowing Sir Reginald for a scene he's doing in one of his own works, and has given us both a drawing AND A CHALLENGE FOR YOU, THE READER!

Adam wants each of you to explain, in one paragraph of story only, why Sir Reginald is "opening an apartment door in NJ loosely dressed in a kimono over his vest and shirt.  [Explain why] his pants are missing, there is a geisha wig on his head, and his clothes have been splashed with a gooey substance."

Now get on it.


[personal profile] funranium would appear to be addicted to Fucking With My Art.

Good thing, too, when he produces stuff like this.

For those of you who are relatively new here, I occasionally do something I like to call Fuck With My Art, in which I quickly write a silly little story and then have people muck about with it. If you scroll through some of those entries, you'll find some truly amazing stuff that people have done.

Truly spinning shit into gold, some of them.

Well, in response to my time travel story, (the one that [personal profile] fairyarmadillo and [profile] locura_insomnio made into this incredible piece), [personal profile] funranium has written his own story.

And I think it kicks my story up and down the goddamned street.

Go and read it, or...you know, I'm not even going to try to be witty or swear cleverly or anything.

Just go read the damn thing.


Well, [personal profile] fairyarmadillo had an idea and used her boy, [profile] locura_insomnio, to create THE MOST BESTEST IMAGINABLE PHOTO FOR IT.

Worship her as THE AWESOME.

Do it. And let her know.

What my desk area looks like right now, sans laptop.
Loads of toys, books, and original art on the walls.
Ask questions about things that look interesting / omgwtfbbq.

Yeah, I forgot to take a picture of the center of the toys. Maybe I'll fix that after 5pm.

Not interested so much in the pictures?

Then go FUCK WITH MY ART already!

And thank you for your support.


Are you ready, kids? 'cause I think it's that time again.

I need you to do something for me.


If you need more info, click on the giant words above to see what people have done in the past.

Do what you will with it. Turn it into poetry, or prose, or a page of a comic, or write a song about it, or print it and wipe your booty with it, or do an oil painting, or whatever you want. You can rewrite it, continue it, write a prequel to it, or just use one tiny bit of it to make something else.

I just want to see what you all do with this brief story.
Permission granted to twist, bend, and break it wherever you feel like, as well as post it in your own LJ.

If you turn something out from it that might actually make money, I'll split copyright on that piece with you 50/50.
The odds of that happening are about the odds of me suddenly no longer enjoying Godzilla.

This piece is decidedly different from the others I've provided, so make it good, kids.

And now...



Feb. 11th, 2006 07:38 pm
Sometimes [livejournal.com profile] chuckdawg is...well...a little too postmodern for his own good.

And for that, we love him like a brother. A brother you totally make out with.

My brother Matthew is batshit insane.
I received the following e-mail from him, regarding FWMA:3


"I'm working on fucking with your art. I'm exploring the lesbian angle. So far it's something like this:

Plot summary:

Short-haired stereotype girl walks into the diner in a vinyl miniskirt. The long-legged waitress walked over. Girl says she'd like a grilled cheese.
With mustard and pickles. How about some tuna? asks the waitress. I like tuna, don't you, she says. Girl says, No, just pickles and mustard. Then the waitress hikes up her skirt, jumps up on the table, rubs her crotch on girl's face and says. How can you pass up tuna?" Degrades into lesbian porn, finishing with the immortal line, "you naughty girl, you better come on my finger."

OK, maybe I'd better not fuck with your art right now."


Whose whole family is crazy as something that's really crazy
Already a few people I've spoken with said they missed it, so here's a link to last night's late-night posting of the latest FUCK WITH MY ART.

So, get to it.



For those of you who are unaware of how this works, click here and start at the bottom.

In a nutshell, I want you to read the following short piece (less than two pages) and do something with it. Rewrite it. Do a drawing. Write a prologue. Continue it. Write an epilogue.  Write a song about it. Do a stick-figure rendition. Interpretive dance adaptation. Cook the sandwich featured in the story and take a picture of you eating it.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what you do, just remix my art using whatever format you want and make it your own.

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION is all that matters.

Post your results in the comments section, or in your own LJ, but give me a link if you do the latter.
And yeah, I intentionally do these odd and open-ended. Open on BOTH ends...

And now, FWMA:III...

“Hey,” said the redhead as she walked in the door of the greasy little diner, “can I get a cup of coffee and a grilled cheese?” )

Now do your thing, my wonderful little monkeys...



PS - For those of you paranoid about rights, how about we all just agree not to do anything with our stuff without permission? Cool...
PPS - Damn, the formatting on this entry simply DID NOT want to work...


Feb. 10th, 2006 04:08 pm
In addition to some comic scripting and some clean-up on my computer, I WILL be writing a story tonight.

It may well be a FUCK WITH MY ART piece, so prep your brains for audience participation.

Click on that link and start from the bottom, if you want to know what they hell you're prepping for.

Full of beans. Energetic beans.


Dec. 9th, 2005 09:05 am
What is it about my phone posts and techno? DJ Evily ([livejournal.com profile] nhyrvana, [livejournal.com profile] evily) made two songs about a year ago.

Now MC Mostly Harmless ([livejournal.com profile] harmlessinc) has made one, and [livejournal.com profile] violet_hemlock listened to my last phone post over techno, blissfully unaware that others had blazed that trail.

As such, I give you the first three tracks in the Fone Post Projekt (right click to save, click to play in your browser):

Classic Techno: Monkeys and Robots - DJ Evily feat. benjamin sTone

Chillout: Ridiculously Beautiful - DJ Evily feat. benjamin sTone

Thumpy Sampleness: Dig It - MC Mostly Harmless feat. benjamin sTone

I'm thinking that this weekend I'll be trying to back-tag all of my entries, so you'll be able to rummage through all of my old phone posts. Feeling inspired? Tech-nize one. In any event, I've found some LJ numbers that actually work, so expect more Phone Posts soon, including me reading some stories I've written. I promise I'll make those from a landline so the sound doesn't totally suck.

Full of beans
A few short stories are kicking around in my head right now. My agent/my mama has a few sent off to some magazines and online publishers to see if my shit smells pretty enough to serve to others.

The new laptop is full of fine, and I'm working on getting it ready for a three-and-a-half day trip to Sedona, Arizona, where Sara's father is getting married. I've got about 22 hours to complete my work on it before we leave. I'll be using it to finish an edit for DrMaster and writing in my spare time. On the airplane. Which I hate. Time for the old "double whiskey with my Tourette's meds" trick to KNOCK MY ASS OUT.

I think one of the new stories is going to be a Fuck With My Art story, where I'll be asking you all to participate in rewriting/illustrating/putting-to-music/etcetera one of my shorts. This will be the third one I've done, and the results just keep gettting more and more The Awesome.

On a side note, I need more sleep. Or the ability to keep getting by on three hours a night without dying.

Back to work, with a quick break to read a little more Phillip K. Dick...


        As if my overnight delivery of My brother Matthew’s Funny-As-All-Fuck FWMA submission was somehow not enough for you bastards.

        You see, ages ago, I dreamt of a properly-done version of The Legend of the Golden Vampires, aka The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula:

    In mine, we utilize classic superhero team-up rules: the Taoist priests and Shaolin monks battle Dracula, whilst Catholic priests go mano-a-mano against Chinese “hopping corpses.” Sadly, I know this is a project with severely limited appeal…after all, few people know what a hopping corpse looks like.

    This is them here:

            Unlike Western vampires, they’re generally the result of inauspicious burial, or disturbing of their graves, or general bad luck. They have enormous fingernails and don’t really drink blood, they just kill you—some say they suck your life out, but whatever. They can’t detect you if you aren’t breathing, and those yellow slips of paper on their heads are Mao-Shan sect Taoist sutras that hold them in place, even make them obey, if the corpse isn’t too strong-willed.
            Anyway, this project has bubbled in my head for years, and for right now I’m doing it as a prose version, but somewhere in my dreams, Film Workshop is already shooting. Maybe I owe them a treatment. Hell, I *know* I do.
In any event, here are the two halves I have right now. One has been posted, in part, before.
These are long. I find myself not giving a shit.

Cantonese, Motherfucker, Do You Speak It? )

 That's Part One. This is Part Two.

Stupid Pagans and Their Stupid Arrrrrggghh!!! )


Current Music: “Syndir Guðs (Live)” – Sigur Ros
Last Book I Read a Page of: The Third Policeman, Flan O’Brian
Last Movie: Serenity (2005, USA, Science Fiction)
Next Movie: Sansho the Bailiff (1956, Japan, Historical Drama)

My brother Matthew cracks my ass up. Here's his version of FWMA:2, and it's funnier than George W. Bush on a Tilt-a-Whirl after two corndogs and three lemonade shake-ups.


Here is your story...complete with the happy ending you always wanted. )

I wanna know why this fucker doesn't submit his shit to places that...umm...accepting writing from mental patients.

Lovely Bits are still trickling in for Fuck With My Art 2.

Like this, from [livejournal.com profile] grafunkel:

"Done on some kind of tissue paper a cleaning lady left on my desk at work. I spilled some coffee on the back.

Colours are fluorescent markers.

There was an eclipse earlier today too.

Fun day at work, eh?"

            Brilliantly fucked-up day today.

            Started with breakfast at 7:30am. Who the hell is up at 7:30 am, and who is up early enough to go OUT for BREAKFAST?  Kate and Staci and their twins, Kaia and Madeline is the correct answer. Ate, went to Farmer’s Market, bought lots of veggies.

             Sara and I met with brother Matthew and his boy, Todd, in Mattoon, Illinois, where they were having their Sesquicentennial Celebration. Watch firemen fuck up cars with The Jaws of Life and something we called The Wedgie of Death.

             Because I have no sense of shame or embarrassment, spontaneously entered pie-eating contest. Did not win. Am expecting photos from Matthew later. Afterwards, washed face in train station bathroom. Did not use bar of soap provided, as it appeared to have a black pubic hair on it.

             Earlier today, received [livejournal.com profile] chuckdawg's entry into my second FUCK WITH MY ART command.

             I left the art in its original container, because it’s even more The Awesome that way.

             CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO BE TAKEN TO THE FUCK WITH MY ART ENTRY. Make sure you read all of the comments, as they’re awesome.

            People who participated:[livejournal.com profile] mujina, [livejournal.com profile] khamsin, [livejournal.com profile] sasquatchdjh, [livejournal.com profile] neodymium155, [livejournal.com profile] groundbyground, [livejournal.com profile] xanthvamp, [livejournal.com profile] initiations, [livejournal.com profile] pensylvania_joe, [livejournal.com profile] chuckdawg, and [livejournal.com profile] bookmancu.

            You guys make me happy.


     ______ Click On Chuck Dawg’s Awesomeness and Participate
  _ |_
  \    /

Permission granted to meme-ify my previous entry if you feel like it.
I've had several people ask me if that's okay, and it is.

The entry in question, Fuck With My Art - The Second, is right here:


All I ask is that if you spread the FWMA:2 post, to please give credit.


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