Touch me. Touch me like you didn't touch me last night.

So here I am, ready to post another of my Hero A Day drawings, when I get an envelope in the mail with art that makes me insanely happy while simultaneously driving me to urinate all over my own stuff.

First, let's take a look at this thing i can't draw, a request by funranium; "Dude, give me Captain Britain in his full Britannic glory!"

Well...



And now let's pause for some REAL art.

What arrived in the mail was a piece of magnificence by Michel Fiffe (aka zegas) comic writer and artist extraordinare.

His works include PANORAMA, originally published online at act_i_vate and later in comic form in BRAWL, and various segments in the anthology comic NEGATIVE BURN.

This is his PANORAMA character Augustus, sporting a t-shirt inspired by two comics  I did.



I...

Yeah. Boom-de-ah-da, motherfuckers.

Sometimes life really kicks the right balls.

Love,

b

Is supposedly my birthday.

People are saying I'm 31.

I suspect conspiracy and lies.

Will get to bottom of this even if it kills me other people.

On a more positive note, gifts have included a bottle of scotch and another booze from funranium, a year of paid LJ from ar901, a text message from the ever-sexy bobo_dreams, gift cards for clothes and books, another bottle of scotch from Sara's mother and stepfather, a book collecting the Superman Sunday strips from 1939-1943, a new modem, a bacon wallet, a Flying Screaming Monkey and a call from my Mama / stepfather "Uncle" Natey / little sister Ajay / little brother Nate 1000.

Life is good.

Ugh. Still don't feel entirely awake. Wish I'd slept more. Glad I have tomorrow off.

As such, I'll be doing a relatively easy (sorry, g0dz17la ) Five Questions thingie this time.

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1.) Who's stronger Thor or the Hulk?

Believe it or not, I've always loved this question and have contemplated it a number of times. Here's the way I break it down:

Being a God doesn't necessarily mean that you're the strongest motherfucker that there is. Being the Norse God of Asskickery means you're off to a good start.

Hulk? He's just the strongest mortal, right? We say that like it's a limitation of some sort.

See, I always figured that pound-for-pound, Hulk would win in a regular fight because...wait for it...using a mystical, indestructible hammer is a cheap way to win. You take that away from Goldilocks? I figure that Thor would pull the upper hand--and being a God, wouldn't do a lot of tiring--but that as time went by and Hulk got madder, the tide would start turning as the big green guy started really laying into the God of Thunder.

Or, if you want Thor to keep his hammer, let Hulk have Cap's shield. :)

2.) Which online Orkut or LJ person would you want to meet most in real life?

Jesus, like that isn't putting me on the spot. Now anybody who isn't picked is going to fucking hate me.
Allow me to break it down a bit, after saying that I Want To Meet All of Them At Once At a Massive Party.

Orkut: Person I'd like to meet the most after years of helpful emotional attachment is easily Tat. She and I each helped the other through some stumbling times.

Orkut: Person I'd most like to party with? You and yer girl. The world would never recover.

LJ: First, gotta meet man_size, as he's already helped my fledgling comic career more than I could have ever hoped.

LJ: Second...Jesus, this is a tough one...party for a week in Antarctica with funranium , then get an apartment with bobo_dreams and allow our Geekness to overtake the world.

Overall winner? fairyarmadillo. I've known her online for about thirteen years now, and the fact that we've never been able to meet is a fucking crime. It makes me sad to think about it.

3.) What's your favorite day of the year?

Usually Halloween. I've only ever not dressed-up ONCE in my life, and that year was only because we were driving hundreds of miles.
It's such a great day, and seeing other insane people dressed up is great. Scary movies and societal permission to dress like I'm batshit? PERFECT!

4.) What was your least favorite comic book plot cop-out (ie: dead hero not dead anymore)?

Most Recent: Captain America surrendering at the end of the Marvel Civil War. Don't tell me one of the world's premier tactical geniuses didn't think that a big-ass fuckoff fight in downtown New York wouldn't happen. I actually liked most of Civil War--especially if you include Paul Jenkins's Front Line--but to let it fizz out RIGHT when it should bang? Silly.

Of all time? Tough call, but I'm going with when they undid practically every beautiful thing--from Xorn, to Magneto's end, to Phoenix--that Grant Morrison did during his magnificent NEW X-MEN run.

5.) If we came to visit what would we do?

We'd party. Not silly nonstop drinking party--although there would be at least one night of that, where we'd all wake up on the living room floor half-naked and covered in something sticky--but doing every imaginable fun thing that we could. We'd take you to Allerton Park, then we'd eat at Milo's, maybe? We'd hit El Charro one day for the best Mexican food in Illinois, then probably go see something at The Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, then we'd have all of our friends meet you guys, and then there'd be a pool party with Anne and Bob at Joe and Bethany's and then drive through miniscule towns in the countryside, and...

You'd go home with your bodies exhausted and your souls fulfilled.

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Got Five Questions? Ask.
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b

funranium would appear to be addicted to Fucking With My Art.

Good thing, too, when he produces stuff like this.

b

The weekend was a weekend, full of weekendy things.

Creatively, it was a total bust. What little time I did have for writing or otherwise was pretty much spent with me staring at the computer or notebook and contemplating stabbies in the eyes with Uniball Precise pens.

Sunday morning was lost to a BrainFuckHeadache.
Saturday night was fun as our sixty-something neighbor came over for dinner and wine and shouting about Republicans and their cronies.

Ugh.

I need to get writing done. I need to write a spec piece for Shonen Jump. I need to work on the jimmahgee thing. I need to get back to funranium about some stuff. I need to do more pages of "Last Shot."

My creativity fucked off to Paris, Texas, on Friday and is refusing to come back until I install a fucking bidet.

If nothing else, I WILL finish a flash fiction piece today before 5pm.

At least I have lunch with nhyrvana to look forward to.

And now, a quote from "juniperesque de Jew":

"I don't know about y'all, but I don't think Jezus died for my sins - though if he died to bring me Cadbury's Creme Eggs, maybe he and I are a'ight."

So, for now, feed me. Give me something. Music, saliva, fiction, words of hate and spite, boozahol, kung-fu. Anything.

Gimme.

b

Why, yes, thanks for asking, it is yet again:

SHAMELESS PLUG TIME!

For starters, the LJ fabulous-osity of:
neodymium155 Now he's funranium

Okay, now, seriously, this is some funny-ass shit (not funny ass-shit...that's...different). He writes about science and science work and about how he used to live in Antarctica and boozing and I am having a hard time describing his wit...dry, yet fun. Vicious, yet full of awesome.

FROM HIS LJ USER DESCRIPTION:     I am Cryo Boy, he who kept Antarctica from thawing out for one entire year. The coastlines of the world owe a great debt to me for the year 2003. Now, I clean up the detritus of 50 years of science gone wild (less girls, more radiation and chemicals) at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

SAMPLE TEXT: From the entry entitled "Messing with the Bowling Alley Again" --
    Once again I destroyed the craphop and angry white boy groove. Tonight had a Muppets motif..."Rainbow Connection" and "Moving Right Along". A couple of high school football meathead types began stalking up and down the bowling alley, angrily asking if people had "put that shit on".
    I win.

From the entry entitled "Damn Contractors" --
    0430 is an unholy hour to be waking up. It is a time for the last stragglers of a party to be leaving. It is a time for coming to, blinking a bit and wondering why you are naked in the pantry with traffic cone, before going to bed properly. It is a time to not talk to people because those who are awake are they who don't want to be and are forced to, or are winding down from the previous evening and in no condition to converse, or are one of the crazies who haunt the strange places and times of day.  
    Because of heatstroke concerns, the contractor is now starting work removing the galbestos (all the asbestos, Now With Hexavalent Chromium!) siding from B431 at 0530. This means I have to be here by 0500.
    They will suffer for this. Deep hurting. I will safety them something fierce.

    Please to read his stuff and you will find why he later says of them: "I Safety'd Them Goooooood: To ignore me is foolish.  Annoy me at your peril.  Wake me up at 4:15am and do both...you will face my wrath."
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PLUG the SECOND:

Bethany Cooper Design

bethany cooper designs and produces one-of-a-kind, handcrafted jewelry, beads, and other unique accessories. her designs feature a wide range of materials including semi-precious stones, precious metals, art glass, polymer clay, and precious metal clay, as well as recycled and vintage beads. bethany is also available for custom design; she works with customers to create personalized jewelry for weddings, special events, and distinctive gift-giving.

    Her work is The Damn(tm) and incorporates all manner of cool stuff.  Not only is Bethany's stuff quite impressive, but it's also WAAAAY deep into the affordable range. Sure, you could TRY to buy stuff this cool at the store, but you won't find it, and sure as hell not at these prices.
    In addition, you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from supporting an actual artist instead of buying jewelry at Wal-Mart-Hell-Doom.
She also happens to be a good friend and a great human being.
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On an unrelated note, a snippet of conversation from a few minutes ago:

ME: You realize that if you were on fire and there wasn't any water, I'd throw up on you to put it out.
HER: Don't tell me that.
ME: Honey, which would you rather be: on fire or covered in my vomit?
HER: *pause* I don't think I wanna answer that.

benjamin