benchilada | Entries tagged with monkey king

Originally published at benchiladaland. You can comment here or there.

I’d apologize for letting you down on content last week, but I’m not sure that any of you give a shit.

And that hurts.*

I’ve got two pages of The Wizard’s Tale ready for scanning tomorrow, and may be able to finish a third before heading to Oakland for nine days. You’ll be getting some content those days, but likely in the form of photos and stories about how awesome it is in California.

Don’t try to rob us, though; our home will be guarded by a ferocious old cat and a friend who is staying there and being afforded an exception to Stone Robot Enterprises‘ “NO GUNS” rule.

A few weeks ago Nadja figured out what her Halloween costume would be, and a few days ago I figured out mine.

This is important, because Halloween is my favorite holiday. It even beats out Van Riebeeck Day, which is a VERY close second*.

While I’ve had a few years where Halloween costuming was superceded by extenuating circumstances, generally, when I actually do Halloween, I don’t believe in pissing about.

Here’s one of my favorite homemade costumes:

[pic--and most of the others--by Nadja Robot]

I really hope you recognize it or can figure it out. No worries if you can’t, though; I’m here to help.

You can find more behind the jump at the bottom.

Did I mention I’m getting a new tattoo in California? I didn’t?

The hell I didn’t; go back two sentences.

Anyways, time to get back to the culling. These rabid [REDACTED] aren’t going to [REDACTED] themselves, after all.

Love,

benjamin

*Not true

MOAR COSTUMES!

So far, over 55 people have participated in the latest

MONKEY ROLL CALL!

I highly encourage you to click on that link and go over to that entry not only if you haven't posted yet, but also if you haven't looked at it in a while.

These are some of the faces of your social network.

Scroll through the comments. Look at the faces and associate them with the usernames you've always seen.

Read who they are, what they do, what they're going to do, where else they live online...

Do this in your Facebook, Flickr, et cetera. Find faces for the names. See the people behind the phosphor dots. Talk to 'em.

I know for a fact that at least a dozen of my readers have met in real life after meeting on my LJ and then arranging to hang out with each other and that's FANTASTIC.

And I've met...over thirty? Forty? of the people from here and Flickr and Orkut, all of them amazing.

I feel like I finally have some plans for my online presence again, from writing to art to...a few new features and some I abandoned.

Help me make it stick this time, after so many months of fail.

And you know what? The future, for all of its bad shit, really kicks ass sometimes.

Go internet.

b

PS - Since I forgot to add this last time: Last.fm / Flickr / YouTube / Delicious (still have some to add) / Twitter / LibraryThing / Facebook

IN OTHER WORDS -

Current Location: On break in the cage
Current Music: http://66.90.104.206:9000

Haven't done it in a year-and-a-half, so...

MONKEY ROLL CALL!

There are a shitload of you and I don't know all of you, nor will I ever be able to. Still, I like to have photo reference. I even have a folder on Bettie (my laptop) with photos from the previous times I've done this, with filenames like "smileybead from LJ." Don't think of it as a nightmarish obsession, think of it as "My Brain Doesn't Fucking Remember Anything Are These My Pants Oh God Not Again."

Anyway, here's your chance to show off.

Take a picture of yourself right now.

Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair, just take the picture.

Post the picture with no editing.

Beneath it, give us a brief bio, tell us where you live online, and what it is you do that should delight us.

Damn, my teeth look all gnarly in this photo...in any event...

BRING IT!

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Internet Monkey King

Current Location: the cage
Current Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2bbnlZwlGQ

Ladies and Gentlemen and Internauts and Stingrays of all sizes...

Welcome to Year Two of...

It's the "Holiday Season" and everybody needs gifts for their friends and family.
It's the "Holiday Season" and starving artists are extra-starving because they need gifts for friends and family.

HERE'S WHERE THE TWAIN SHALL MEET!

PIMP YOUR MONEY-MAKER!

THE RULES OF THE GAME:

1) PIMP ART THAT YOU HAVE FOR SALE - Doesn't matter what kind of art you make. I don't care if you've got a novel or mini-comics or original art or t-shirts or if you bronze snails that are fucking or whatever. Doesn't matter if you already make money off of your art. I want to hear about it and so does the public, whether they know it or not,

2) PIMP ONLY ART THAT IS FOR SALE - I make frequent pimpings in my LJ about art and writing and so on that I think you should know about, so I'll cover that another time. This day is for people to--WITH LUCK--make a little cash or get some awesome shit. By shit I mean art...unless your art is poop-sculpture, in which case I mean both,

3) PIMP YOUR ART IN THE COMMENTS SECTION - Make sure that you make an individual comment to the entry itself! This way people skimming the comments can see your stuff. If you make a response to somebody else's comment with your art, it will probably get compressed as the day goes on and will no longer be visible. A good comment will, ideally, have a photo of your art, a link to your website, how much people can expect to pay for your art, how people can pay for your art, and whether or not you will accept other art in trade, i.e. a minicomic for a minicomic. Last year we discovered that Etsy photo links don't always work, so you may need to use Flickr or Photobucket or just tape photos to your monitor.

4) PIMP YOUR ART ONLY ONCE - Multiple comments will be probably deleted, unless you've got a correction to make to an earlier comment. If you positively horribly must have something in the comments that you totally forgot the first time, let me know and we'll try to get it in if it's not just more photos of more stuff but rather a real update that people need to know. I'd prefer that people take a little time crafting their comment to having to allow tons of comments from single individuals,

5) PIMP THIS ENTRY TO YOUR FRIENDS - The more that people hear about this, the more likely your art is to sell, the more likely art of others is to sell, the more likely that penguins will strike ice fish from bel--no, that was the special I watched last night on PBS. But, yeah, tell people about this whether you have art in it or not,

6) COME BACK TO THIS ENTRY TODAY AND TOMORROW AND SO ON - Since this entry will be constantly updated, there will be more stuff to see all the time. I'll have a few reminders, including at least one tomorrow, one over the weekend and one on Monday. If you get tired of the reminders, the Sit-n-Spin is in the corner, as is the raggedy butt-plug,

7) ANONYMOUS COMMENTS ARE ENABLED - This is for anybody who swings by but doesn't have an LJ...which will happen if you obey Rule 5. If you're commenting anonymously, simply follow the instructions in Rule 3, just add who you are and be very specific about contact information, et cetera,

Possibly the most important of all...

8) BUY SHIT!!! - Obviously not everybody is going to be able to buy shit. I'm cool with that. But if you see something that's reasonable and you have a little extra cash from that trick you turned at 3 a.m. then consider using it for a good cause. If you see a good book or a good poop sculpture, buy it. You'll probably not regret it.

My monkeys, the event begins now!

Get to work, give us your art, come back frequently, have a drink for lunch today, and happy-motherfucking-hunting!

Smooches,

Your Internet Monkey King

Current Music: http://corymcabee.com/store/detail.php?productID=017

Trying...to get back...to regular LJ reading...so busy...

In the mean time, I love my co-workers.

The joy of coming in on my birthday to this was huge:

Melanie says Happy Birthday with a monkey king in paper

What was that on?

The back of this Bad Boy:

Melanie says Happy Birthday with a monkey king in paper 3

She even addressed my OCD:

Melanie says Happy Birthday with a monkey king in paper 2

She's a rockstar.

b

Current Music: Holy Hail - Cool Town Rock | Powered by Last.fm

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TIME!!!

So, most of you are familiar with my So You Don't Have To feature. There haven't been any lately due to some scheduling stuff and some lack-of-time stuff. It'll be back within the next few weeks, I hope.

In the mean time, it's time to start AYAHT, the named-by-Joe-Futrelle feature we call...

AND YOU ALSO HAVE TO!

That's right, I'm branching out into realms of things that you can--and WILL--do to show that you've got what it takes. It will likely not be anything like skydiving, but I'll try to make each one at least slightly accessible to some of you. There will never be warning about what it is going to be.

I'll present a task--having done it myself, first, and posted photos--and it'll be up to you to do the same sort of thing.

For example, this inaugural one is EASY.

TOUCH SOMETHING GROSS. PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

I suppose that if you have no photos of the time you had to pull a placenta out of a storm grate, then we'll accept a COMPLETE STORY, but beyond that...

AND NOW WE BEGIN!

I was not grossed out by these first three things, but the last one did me in. I know people, though, who would have freaked out before they got to number four.

Holding, at the National Museum of Natural History...

A caterpillar:

A flightless Florida grasshopper:

And a ~~Malaysian~~ Madagascar (thanks,

bayareajenn ) hissing cockroach:

I mean, hell, I used to pick the first two up all the time when I was growing up. Not being from Madagascar, the third not so much.

For ME, though, with my severe OCD, I decided to do this for you:

Followed by:

So you know, what I pulled out are eggshells, a used coffee filter, a pineapple top, and an empty bacon container.

And it was nasty to me.

So what time is it now, kids?

IT'S YOUR TURN.

I'll refer back to this entry for several days to come as you submit your own stuff. Again, pics are all-but-required.

Knowing you little bastards, we'll have a lesbian with a photo of her holding a cock, or a gay man all up in a vagina, so I DO NOT PROMISE THAT THE COMMENTS WILL BE SAFE FOR WORK.

Speaking of work, it's time for you to show off your madd skillz of not-being-grossed out or being grossed-out but getting through the ordeal.

NOW GET TO IT.

Love,

Your Internet Monkey King

Did I tell you what I got in the mail from

blackcat2086 a few weeks ago?

Hint: IT WAS THIS:

I love you guys.

Also, yes, shut up, I'll do a meme. It's probably been close to a year, which is about how often I do one.

I'll do the 25 Random Things About Me That You Probably Didn't Know one.

In other news, Sara and I saw this on a really big screen on Valentine's Day:

Love,

Your Internet Monkey King

Current Music: BBC World Service - "World Have Your Say"

So, a few months ago I posted the Handsome Black Man Face Obaba spy belt buckle, remember?

Well, why not buy this as an accessory to that accessory?

I mean, what says AMERICA, YOU STUPID FUCKS! like an eagle / flag / statue of liberty lighter that can conduct illegal surveillance?

"Real Working Lighter with Built in DVR and Hidden Camera, Great for SPY operation or Evidence Collection and you can use it as normal Cigarette lighter to light cigarette so others never can think this is a Spycam."

Thank you, China! Especially, for telling me where the fire is.

EDIT: I forgot to show you the bottom of it, with the on/off switch that would apparently prevent it from standing upright.

NOW BUY BOTH OF THEM FOR YOUR INTERNET MONKEY KING!

Smooches,

b

Ladies and gentlemen and internauts of all sizes...

Welcome to...

1) PIMP ART THAT YOU HAVE FOR SALE - Doesn't matter what kind of art you make. I don't care if you've got a novel or mini-comics or original art or t-shirts or poop-sculptures or whatever. Doesn't matter if you already make money off of your art. I want to hear about it and so does the public, whether they know it or not,

2) PIMP ONLY ART THAT IS FOR SALE - I make frequent pimpings in my LJ about art and writing and so on that I think you should know about, so I'll cover that another time. This day is for people to--WITH LUCK--make a little cash or get some awesome shit. By shit I mean art...unless your art is poop-sculpture (see above), in which case I mean both,

3) PIMP YOUR ART IN THE COMMENTS SECTION - Make sure that you make an individual comment to the entry itself! This way people skimming the comments can see your stuff. If you make a response to somebody else's comment with your art, it will probably get compressed as the day goes on and will no longer be visible. A good comment will, ideally, have a photo of your art, a link to your website, how much people can expect to pay for your art, how people can pay for your art, and whether or not you will accept other art in trade, i.e. a minicomic for a minicomic,

4) PIMP YOUR ART ONLY ONCE - Multiple comments will be probably deleted, unless you've got a correction to make to an earlier comment. If you positively horribly must have something in the comments that you totally forgot the first time, let me know and we'll try to get it in if it's not just more photos of more stuff but rather a real update that people need to know. I'd prefer that people take a little time crafting their comment to having to allow tons of comments from single individuals,

5) PIMP THIS ENTRY TO YOUR FRIENDS - The more that people hear about this, the more likely your art is to sell, the more likely art of others is to sell, the more likely that penguins will strike ice fish from bel--no, that was the special I watched last night on PBS. But, yeah, tell people about this whether you have art in it or not,

6) COME BACK TO THIS ENTRY TODAY AND TOMORROW AND SO ON - Since this entry will be constantly updated, there will be more stuff to see all the time. I'll have a few reminders, including at least one tomorrow, one over the weekend and one on Monday. If you get tired of the reminders, the Sit-n-Spin is in the corner, as is the raggedy butt-plug,

7) ANONYMOUS COMMENTS ARE ENABLED - This is for anybody who swings by but doesn't have an LJ...which will happen if you obey Rule 5. If you're commenting anonymously, simply follow the instructions in Rule 3, just add who you are and be very specific about contact information, et cetera,

Possibly the most important of all...

8) BUY SHIT!!! - Obviously not everybody is going to be able to buy shit. I'm cool with that. But if you see something that's reasonable and you have a little extra cash from that trick you turned at 3 a.m. then consider using it for a good cause. If you see a good book or a good poop sculpture, buy it. You'll probably not regret it.

My monkeys, the event begins now!

Get to work, give us your art, come back frequently, have a drink for lunch today, and happy-motherfucking-hunting!

Smooches,

Your Internet Monkey King

Current Location: the waiting room of my physical therapy doctor for my arm
Current Music: Bob and Dave and Alex - CLAM SANDWICH | Powered by Last.fm

A) Sara says thank you so very much for all of the birthday wishes. We went out last night, so she'll be reading them all of them after dinner,

B) HOLY SHITTENSTEIN, EVEN MORE INTERNET MONKEY KING ARTS!!! I love you guys so much. With my penis.

First, by

eyemage , an accurate representation of me at work...albeit almost entirely sans anything that smokes these days. Perhaps make it whiskey or a white russian:

Second,

his_spiffyness provides MonkeyKingity AND political commentary.

Up yours, John.

Smooches,

b

Sorry I've been completely lax with my LJ readings; we went out for Sara's birthday last night and I was in Indiana over the weekend, sans internet.

I'll try to catch up, a little bit, over the next 24 hours.

Anyway, here's the latest benjamin-as-Internet-Monkey-King art, this time by the lovely

chiere :

ANOTHER awesome drawing of me as the Internet Monkey King, this time by

mythworker:

Ryan "

bobo_dreams " Roman is the latest Awesomehead to draw me as the Internet Monkey King.

Now I'm totally thinking about getting both a Doomsday clock tattoo AND a Monkey King one...

b

Three...THREE...THREE ITEMS IN ONE!!!

A)

subliminal_vs requested, for my Photos of my Life series, "a picture of you and your cat doing the Curly Shuffle".

Immediately after this photo was taken, your humble narrator was relieved of his right eye and his left hand.

B) For my latest Hero A Day drawing,

esmio06 wanted me to draw "the answer man that told us abuot that book from Pablo with all the free government monies".

It ended up looking like I attached, to Matthew Lesko's body, the head of the main Nazi vampire dude from Hellsing:

C) Finally,

iconotrast was not happy that he left out my glasses for his first drawing of me as the Internet Monkey King, so he did a follow-up:

There you go, that should be enough to keep you entertained.

Smooches, my little monkeys.

Love,

b

The latest addition to my BENJAMIN-AS-INTERNET-MONKEY-KING drawing pile.

This one is by Tim

iconotrast Hamilton.

Y'all really NEED to go back to my previous entries with the Monkey King / Bizarro art I've gotten from people and look at 'em again.

FRIEND THESE ARTISTS!
SUPPORT THEM!

A number of them do other artwork online, in print, and one on people's skin, and it's through word of mouth that their work really gets spread. And getting their work spread can get them money / jobs that will make the starving part of their artistry a little easier.

thewalkingman

evil_egg

oharlene

_faroth_

katetastrophe

jediwonderboy

iconotrast

Now get back to work.

Smooches,

b

So, yesterday I demanded ~~fealty and obedience from all~~ drawings of me as the Internet Monkey King.

Also, Bizarro benjamin.

Several of you have provided, and provided well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From

thewalkingman (who even added my non-monkey Queen):