Touch me. Touch me like you didn't touch me last night.

You see, I can't remember the last time I saw my mama on her birthday. She's lived in Florida since the very beginning of the 90's, and while I see her a few times a year, it hasn't been on her birthday since who knows when.

And since my Mama is THE HEIGHT OF FANTASTIC and one of the smartest, funniest, and by far kindest people I've ever had the pleasure to know in my entire life...well, she's had more of an impact on who I am today than anybody else in the world. As such, I like to do something for her on her birthday. She hates getting gifts, though, so I've been doing this instead, ever since I had to telnet into my uiuc.edu account using a 14.4 modem, where I would then read my e-mail using Pine...

HERE'S THE DEAL: 

Her e-mail is n8annet@hotmail.com.

I don't care if you know her or not. Indeed, only a small handful of you have ever even seen her. Doesn't matter.

Take a few seconds right now and send her a birthday greeting.

It doesn't have to be anything other than "Your son sent me; Happy Birthday Annet Stein! He's batshit insane but I nice guy, I guess if you're cool with batshit insane!"

You can do it however you want, simple or complex...but don't go sending her goatse shots or I'll track you down and kick your ovaries so hard they'll knock your eyes out from the inside.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE OVARIES.

Keep in the spirit of her birthday, yo.

And you know what?

Tell your friends.

Tell all of 'em. Repost this in YOUR LJ and tell people to wish my Mama a happy birthday.

Help celebrate the woman who, when it comes to me, did the absolute best with what she was given to work with. :)

Here are two photos of Mama in front of two different laundry machines. One of them is in France. One of them has the leg of my youngest brother, Nathan.

We love us some laundry, we do...