Touch me. Touch me like you didn't touch me last night.

“I’m telling you, Amama..mamin…jihad…there’s no way your plan will work!”

“Please, just call me Mr. President, Mr. President. And yes, our plan will work. Right now, thousands of Iranian sleeper agents are ready to strike, prepared to take action against your corrupt American government!”

“You wouldn’t.”

“And why not, Mr. President? What do we stand to lose? The deal is as follows; leave us and our nuclear programs alone or we will crush your economy, throw your populace into armed revolt, and have all of your fun for ourselves.”

“Does…wait, does that last part even make sense?”

“You are not one to talk, Mr. President. Literally. Your move.”

“All right, fine, we give in. Just call ‘em off, Mamoo.”

“It’s Mah…oh, never mind. As soon as you push through the U.N. resolution that we have prepared for you, I will give the order to stand down.”

“Nice one, Mr. President. Well played, you bastard.”

“A pleasure speaking to you.”

President Ahmadinejad breathed a sigh of relief as he hung up the phone.

Operation Loiter At Wal-Mart And Target And Buy Every Wii We Can Get Our Hands On To Keep The Americans From Getting Them, Thereby Ruining Christmas And Every Other Day For As Long As We Can Keep It Up was an unprecedented success.

###

I have respect for people who leave office not only with dignity, but also with a clear sense of why they didn't get re-elected.

Rhode Island Republican Senator Lincoln Chafee has said that he will block John Bolton's appointment to the United Nations. Bolton's original appointment was also done by Bush during a lame duck session of Congress. Chaffee said, in a press conference "Fuck you, Mr. President. Fuck you in your stupid face." "And at this late stage in my term, I'm not going to endorse something the American people have spoke out against."

Supreme Court calls President Bush out on being a Total Lying Poopiehead.

b

Before real content arrives, today's Fabulous Paragraph comes from icayrus, recounting a dream he had Saturday night. I added the italics to my favorite line...

"President Bush, in his almighty wisdom, decided to jump up onto the podium itself to give his speech to try and rouse the crowd. There was a sudden in draw of breath as everyone realized this was what he was doing and he began "At this point in history.." and as the O sound started to escape his mouth from the word history, he lost his balance and fell to the ground. At this point all of the African American children who had been placed around the podium, for the great photos of course, got up and swarmed around the President to make sure he was ok. Suddenly, one of the children went flying up into the air, a la Neo fighting Agent Smith on the playground in the Matrix: Reloaded, and someone screamed out from the congregation "Oh My God, George Bush is hitting Black People" and the swarm of children started flying away from where the President had fallen into the congregation.

And now, some music I've been listening to lately...


b

I really shouldn't complain about an article like this. But being the positive realist that I am, I realize that our President has found a way to push his political agenda through hurricane relief.

( Bush plans to cut 'unnecessary' spending to pay for Katrina recovery )

Okay, maybe that last paragraph was mine.

b

Having been asked for URL of the "Bush vs. Kerry keg stand" article, here:

Bush vs. Kerry Keg Stand

From my YahooGroup:
---
Regardless of your political affiliation, this should make you rather ill.

I know that a number of the people on this list are in Illinois, as I am, and are near a GKC Theatre, as I am.

Make the call.

benjamin sTone
More activisty than usual tonight, which is saying a lot...

"Eli Pariser, MoveOn PAC" <moveon-help@list.moveon.org> wrote:

Date: Wed, 07 Jul 2004 14:24:59 -0700
From: "Eli Pariser, MoveOn PAC"
To: "Benjamin Stone"
Subject: Local theaters censoring Fahrenheit 9/11: Call now.

Dear MoveOn member,

Michael Moore's movie "Fahrenheit 9/11" is having a powerful impact on this country, provoking an important debate about the Bush Administration's record.

Unfortunately, two theater chains (GCK Theaters in Michigan and Illinois and Fridley Theaters in Iowa and Nebraska) refuse to carry the film. GKC Theaters claims they made the decision to show "undivided support" for the troops -- an especially bald claim given that the whole point of the film is about supporting the troops. The president of Fridley Theaters is making the ludicrous claim that the movie somehow incites terrorism*. At the end, these decisions simply amount to partisan censorship.

Please take a moment to call the theaters now and demand that they not censor this important movie.

1) Call your local GKC theater. You will get a recording with a number you can press to speak to someone. Ask to speak to the General Manager or Manager. You can find your local theater here:
http://www.gkctheatres.com/theatre_locations/default.asp

2) You can also call the GKC Theaters central office:
Beth Kerasotes, President
GKC Theaters
(217) 528-4981 ext. 105

Please let us know that you called at:
http://www.moveonpac.org/f911/callF911theaters.html?id=3058-3012035-lRGbvS7YYsrATUz1KGH.1A


Thank you.

Sincerely,

-- Eli Pariser
MoveOn PAC
Wednesday, July 7, 2004


P.S. Here are a couple links to articles about this situation:

GKC Theaters (MI/IL/IN/WI):
http://www.miningjournal.net/news/story/072202004_new01-n0702.asp
Fridley Theaters (IA/NB):
* http://abcnews.go.com/wire/Entertainment/ap20040703_769.html



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