(no subject)

Today's story is in response to my post showing Isis playing fetch with and talking to her black leather glove.

Incidentally, she chose that glove from several plastic bags of gloves in Sara's closet ten years ago. None of the gloves had mates and Isis left them all over the apartment in decreasing numbers over several days until she narrowed them down to a pink mitten and the black leather glove.

Eventually the choice was made and the destroyer had come.

Anyways, also sprach jediwonderboy:

---------------------------

"My experience with cats hath not been all that good.

Long ago, in a suburb far, far away... I lived in a house, and in the fall, I kept the back windows open to allow the gentle, October breeze to air out the majority of my Man Smell.

One evening, I come home, and a small, black shape darts under the couch.

Knowing that my black haired, 80 lb lab was in the backyard, as she had barked at me when I pulled into the drive, I wondered what wraith hath invaded my home?

Taking a look under the couch, this black shaped thusly attacked me.

I reeled back, surprised. The only thing I had closest to me was an aged wiffle ball bat. Now seeing that this black shape was indeed feline, and from its actions either batshit CRAZY, or just horribly pissed off, I went to use the bat to shoo it outside.

Mother fucker took out a claw, and promptly engraved the words: "FUCK YOU HUMAN SCUM" into the plastic bat, in about .37 seconds.

Black devil Cat then proceeded to CLIMB the walls of my living room, jump from the farthest wall, turn a 180 mid-air, and extended all of its legs toward my face, claws extended.

Kneeling in my best approximation of the Shien/Djem So defense maneuver, I let the front end of the bat point towards the cat, who then grabbed the entire bat, and attempted to crawl over it to me, so to kill me.

Faced with either the possibility of feeding it to my dog, or just tossing it out the front door, I precariously let my left hand swing the front door open, and tossed the entire bat, cat and all, out the front.

Devil Black Cat, who had been cursing my linage the entire time in Felinettse, landed on its feet, FLIPPED ME THE BIRD, and trotted off.

I then went to pee."

(no subject)

Remember "Surging Eel" (or "Ride the Eel") as chronovore, I think, more-properly translated it to be?

Says the Godlike Man that the locals are all but obligated to call Katsushi Shimakage, he who can balance your books in Japanese or kill you from 500 yards with only an empty red plastic hot-dog basket:

He is the best.

"You always find funny stuff \(@_@)/

This is the one, right?

http://www.jti.co.jp/softdrink/product/new_86/index.html

Peace of cake, I can send you some.

Tell me your shipping address!

If you get upset your stomack, don't blame me. ^ ^

Katsushi"

(no subject)

So...yeah, terrorlynn has the best story I've ever heard from my friends regarding online dating site dates:

( Nokay, Cupid, or My Mom Even Bought Some of Them for Me. )

At least she still has us to love her.

...

Platonically, of course.

...

I've gotta go.

b