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Aug. 24th, 2008 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
benchiladaSo...yeah, terrorlynn has the best story I've ever heard from my friends regarding online dating site dates:
"So, I had talked to this guy the night before on OkCupid for almost 4 hours. we really hit it off, had tons in common, and he even made jokes about eating babies. I sorta figured we'd have fun. His pictures were cute, and his profile was well written. He asked me to pick the place to go, so I said we should try http://www.cafeindie.us. It was really cool online, and the prices looked good. Parking kinda sucked, and I texted him to let him know I would be 5 minutes late. I drove by the restaurant looking for parking once and saw a guy dressed all in black, with round black John Lennon style sunglasses and weird looking hair...and prayed it wasn't him.
It was. He wasnt significantly less attractive than his pictures, but it was obvious that the pictures he had posted were very good pictures of him. So I say hello and sit down and start glancing at the menu. I ask small talk type questions and get the shortest answers possible, followed by this sort of vacant stare that looks like a cow's eyes. So I tell myself that he's probably just as nervous as I am, and not feeling as talkative as last night. No biggie. Well, it would have been no biggie if it had changed AT ALL throughout dinner. 45 minutes, excellent food and great service, no talking. I'm trying really hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. now mind you, i keep getting distracted by his flock of seagulls hairstyle that he keeps fidgeting with, or the overwhelming smell of nag champa wafting off of his clothing. So the check comes, and he says, "So what do you want to do now?" I think it is the most words I have heard him string together all night. I say, "Well, you know the neighborhood better than I do (I'd gone in to the city to meet him), what would you do on a Tuesday night if I werent here?" He says, "Um...I don't know. Probably hang out at home and just chill." I said, "Well, then why dont we just head to your place and we can talk?" We couldnt go to a bar because when he stopped doing drugs 10 years ago (which he was very honest about the night before), he'd given up alcohol...and it was late enough that most coffee houses were closed.
He says okay, so we head outside and he starts smoking a cigarette (no biggie to me), and I ask how far he lives from the restaurant. he lives about a mile away, and mentions that he rode his bike...again, way to impress me, fella. I say that I've got a pretty big trunk and a backseat that folds down, so why dont we throw his bike in my car? He says, "Nah, I'd rather bike." I get his address, put it in my gps, and head off, passing his pedalling self on the way. I park on his street, and slowly start walking up, giving him time to catch up. When he gets there, he says, "I'm really sorry about our apartment...it's really creepy. We moved in really quickly when my father was in the nursing home up the street, and we've just not had the chance to move in to something better." I look confused and say, "We?" He, nonplussed, says, "Yeah, me and my mom. I moved back here to be supportive when my dad was sick." I say that I'm sorry to hear about his father, when did he pass away? His answer, "2004." He also mentions that at least it has two parking spaces, but it doesnt really matter since he doesnt have a car.
We go upstairs, and sure enough, creepiest apartment I've ever seen. we come in to the kitchen, and there is green carpeting on the floor, and orange, brown, and yellow paint on the walls. As soon as we walk in, I say, "Would you mind pointing me to your bathroom, please?" I'd had so much water at dinner I thought I might float away. He says, "Uh, okay. Hang on" and walks away. I watch the clock and its 2 minutes before his front door opens and his mother walks in, looking in shock and surprise at me, the random woman standing in her kitchen. I rush to explain that hi, I'm Terri, and I'm here with Ethan. He ran to the bathroom for a second. She stares at me the same way he does, and says, "Okay." then wanders off. The awkwardness must be a familial trait. I stand there for another 3 minutes. Dude has left me alone in his kitchen for a grand total of 5 minutes now. He finally comes back, and says that his bathroom is the last door on the left down the hallway...and then stands in the kitchen and stares at me until I leave. I go to the bathroom, noting the packed ashtray on the vanity (for those times you're taking a shit and just can't wait for your cigarette). I wash my hands and try to leave the bathroom. Key word: try. The door wont open. The handle turns, but it is stuck so tightly in the frame that I'm yanking and yanking. I take off my heels, plant my feet and pull. By this time, I am laughing almost hysterically at being trapped in this guys bathroom. His mother hears me laughing and comes to help me open the door, mumbling an apology. I hurry back to the kitchen, passing his mother settling in to the living room to watch TV. He's standing in the kitchen, staring off in to space, still.
This is where things get to the lowest point of the evening, dear readers. He turns and opens a door off the kitchen, in to his bedroom. I step inside, almost blinded by the overwhelming smell of incense. He asks me if I can smell the cigarettes, because he tries to cover up the cigarette smell with incense. As I think to formulate an answer, I look at the walls. Hanging on the walls are chains, shitty looking floggers, collars, cock rings, and then on the desk are butt plugs and enema equipment. As I reel in shock, he sits down in the computer chair, and says, "It's usually not this clean. I cleaned up before our date." I glance at the only other place to sit in the room, his lumpy, skeevy looking futon that is covered in yellow and white checkered sheets with graphic printed apples the size of my hand. I perch on the edge in disgust and fear, avoiding the GIANT bottle of lotion on the floor next to his computer chair, and say, "You either have the most understanding mother in the world or she never comes in here...which is it?" He says, "Oh, my moms kind of a free spirit. She doesnt care. I mean, she's bought me a lot of this stuff." I just didnt know what to say to that, so I redirected the subject. We talked for about an hour, and by we talked, I mean I asked him questions, and he responded with such gems as the quotes I posted in my previous entry about him.
Finally, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. I asked him what he had run off to there earlier for, if not to rub the Vaseline off the door jam...and he says that the toilet is broken and the tank has to be filled up with a cup before each flush. I gather my things while he's in the bathroom, and when he comes back I stand up and say, "Thank you for dinner, and for your company, but I think I need to go now. I have work in the morning." He says okay, and then opens the door to his bedroom back on to the kitchen and just sorta stares at me. I walk myself out and back to my car.
I almost forgot to mention that he had said on his profile that he was going back to school for pre-med. He is actually at a two year college, working on two assosciates, but he doesnt have anywhere that he really wants to head for school...I mean, he'll get there eventually...
He emails me on Thursday night saying, "Did I do something to offend you on Thursday night? You left sort of suddenly and I havent heard from you since." I responded with "You didn't offend me, and I did appreciate your time and the nice dinner, but I just didnt feel the connection I was looking for." He responds with, "Oh, well you werent what I was "looking for" either. I was just hoping for a new friend. Oh well."
In short, if my choices are to date guys like this, or be romantically single for the rest of my life...I'm going to be romantically single, thanks."
At least she still has us to love her.
...
Platonically, of course.
...
I've gotta go.
b
terrorlynn has the best story I've ever heard from my friends regarding online dating site dates:"So, I had talked to this guy the night before on OkCupid for almost 4 hours. we really hit it off, had tons in common, and he even made jokes about eating babies. I sorta figured we'd have fun. His pictures were cute, and his profile was well written. He asked me to pick the place to go, so I said we should try http://www.cafeindie.us. It was really cool online, and the prices looked good. Parking kinda sucked, and I texted him to let him know I would be 5 minutes late. I drove by the restaurant looking for parking once and saw a guy dressed all in black, with round black John Lennon style sunglasses and weird looking hair...and prayed it wasn't him.
It was. He wasnt significantly less attractive than his pictures, but it was obvious that the pictures he had posted were very good pictures of him. So I say hello and sit down and start glancing at the menu. I ask small talk type questions and get the shortest answers possible, followed by this sort of vacant stare that looks like a cow's eyes. So I tell myself that he's probably just as nervous as I am, and not feeling as talkative as last night. No biggie. Well, it would have been no biggie if it had changed AT ALL throughout dinner. 45 minutes, excellent food and great service, no talking. I'm trying really hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. now mind you, i keep getting distracted by his flock of seagulls hairstyle that he keeps fidgeting with, or the overwhelming smell of nag champa wafting off of his clothing. So the check comes, and he says, "So what do you want to do now?" I think it is the most words I have heard him string together all night. I say, "Well, you know the neighborhood better than I do (I'd gone in to the city to meet him), what would you do on a Tuesday night if I werent here?" He says, "Um...I don't know. Probably hang out at home and just chill." I said, "Well, then why dont we just head to your place and we can talk?" We couldnt go to a bar because when he stopped doing drugs 10 years ago (which he was very honest about the night before), he'd given up alcohol...and it was late enough that most coffee houses were closed.
He says okay, so we head outside and he starts smoking a cigarette (no biggie to me), and I ask how far he lives from the restaurant. he lives about a mile away, and mentions that he rode his bike...again, way to impress me, fella. I say that I've got a pretty big trunk and a backseat that folds down, so why dont we throw his bike in my car? He says, "Nah, I'd rather bike." I get his address, put it in my gps, and head off, passing his pedalling self on the way. I park on his street, and slowly start walking up, giving him time to catch up. When he gets there, he says, "I'm really sorry about our apartment...it's really creepy. We moved in really quickly when my father was in the nursing home up the street, and we've just not had the chance to move in to something better." I look confused and say, "We?" He, nonplussed, says, "Yeah, me and my mom. I moved back here to be supportive when my dad was sick." I say that I'm sorry to hear about his father, when did he pass away? His answer, "2004." He also mentions that at least it has two parking spaces, but it doesnt really matter since he doesnt have a car.
We go upstairs, and sure enough, creepiest apartment I've ever seen. we come in to the kitchen, and there is green carpeting on the floor, and orange, brown, and yellow paint on the walls. As soon as we walk in, I say, "Would you mind pointing me to your bathroom, please?" I'd had so much water at dinner I thought I might float away. He says, "Uh, okay. Hang on" and walks away. I watch the clock and its 2 minutes before his front door opens and his mother walks in, looking in shock and surprise at me, the random woman standing in her kitchen. I rush to explain that hi, I'm Terri, and I'm here with Ethan. He ran to the bathroom for a second. She stares at me the same way he does, and says, "Okay." then wanders off. The awkwardness must be a familial trait. I stand there for another 3 minutes. Dude has left me alone in his kitchen for a grand total of 5 minutes now. He finally comes back, and says that his bathroom is the last door on the left down the hallway...and then stands in the kitchen and stares at me until I leave. I go to the bathroom, noting the packed ashtray on the vanity (for those times you're taking a shit and just can't wait for your cigarette). I wash my hands and try to leave the bathroom. Key word: try. The door wont open. The handle turns, but it is stuck so tightly in the frame that I'm yanking and yanking. I take off my heels, plant my feet and pull. By this time, I am laughing almost hysterically at being trapped in this guys bathroom. His mother hears me laughing and comes to help me open the door, mumbling an apology. I hurry back to the kitchen, passing his mother settling in to the living room to watch TV. He's standing in the kitchen, staring off in to space, still.
This is where things get to the lowest point of the evening, dear readers. He turns and opens a door off the kitchen, in to his bedroom. I step inside, almost blinded by the overwhelming smell of incense. He asks me if I can smell the cigarettes, because he tries to cover up the cigarette smell with incense. As I think to formulate an answer, I look at the walls. Hanging on the walls are chains, shitty looking floggers, collars, cock rings, and then on the desk are butt plugs and enema equipment. As I reel in shock, he sits down in the computer chair, and says, "It's usually not this clean. I cleaned up before our date." I glance at the only other place to sit in the room, his lumpy, skeevy looking futon that is covered in yellow and white checkered sheets with graphic printed apples the size of my hand. I perch on the edge in disgust and fear, avoiding the GIANT bottle of lotion on the floor next to his computer chair, and say, "You either have the most understanding mother in the world or she never comes in here...which is it?" He says, "Oh, my moms kind of a free spirit. She doesnt care. I mean, she's bought me a lot of this stuff." I just didnt know what to say to that, so I redirected the subject. We talked for about an hour, and by we talked, I mean I asked him questions, and he responded with such gems as the quotes I posted in my previous entry about him.
Finally, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. I asked him what he had run off to there earlier for, if not to rub the Vaseline off the door jam...and he says that the toilet is broken and the tank has to be filled up with a cup before each flush. I gather my things while he's in the bathroom, and when he comes back I stand up and say, "Thank you for dinner, and for your company, but I think I need to go now. I have work in the morning." He says okay, and then opens the door to his bedroom back on to the kitchen and just sorta stares at me. I walk myself out and back to my car.
I almost forgot to mention that he had said on his profile that he was going back to school for pre-med. He is actually at a two year college, working on two assosciates, but he doesnt have anywhere that he really wants to head for school...I mean, he'll get there eventually...
He emails me on Thursday night saying, "Did I do something to offend you on Thursday night? You left sort of suddenly and I havent heard from you since." I responded with "You didn't offend me, and I did appreciate your time and the nice dinner, but I just didnt feel the connection I was looking for." He responds with, "Oh, well you werent what I was "looking for" either. I was just hoping for a new friend. Oh well."
In short, if my choices are to date guys like this, or be romantically single for the rest of my life...I'm going to be romantically single, thanks."
At least she still has us to love her.
...
Platonically, of course.
...
I've gotta go.
b
