benchilada | I give...

OKAY, FINE, HAVE YOUR DAMN "25 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME" MEME.

I swear that they're all true.

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1) The first person that I ever really kissed is dead,

2 ) My brothers and I used to drop empty Smirnoff vodka bottles down the garbage chutes at the Mansion House Apartments in St. Louis and try to guess what floor it was at when it broke,

3) A good new kung fu movie is stronger to my system than Mini-Thins™,

4) The prescription on my eyeglasses hasn’t changed for the last four years,

5) I find myself unattractive—please, no comments about how I’m wrong–and only look at my face when shaving, brushing teeth, or to simply say to myself over and over “This is what I look like. This is who I am” in an effort to reconcile my thoughts with what I see in the mirror,

6) I’m reading a short book of scholarly essays about The Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God massacre in Uganda nine years ago,

7) Possibly my biggest celebrity crush is Willem Dafoe,

8) I will never apologize for loving Cable,

9) As a child, I was once lifted out of the ocean by a large man with a hairy chest. I didn’t know him. He carried me over to see a rock that was covered in hundreds of tiny crabs. Yep, sounds like CP.

10) I didn’t start drinking until I was somewhere around 25 or 26,

11) I’ve wrestled with a drunken man with a hook hand in a parking lot at 2:00 a.m. And won.

12) While it doesn’t keep me from actually doing it, I have a crippling fear of flying. That shit does not make sense,

13) I paid a total of about $90 dollars to get the original soundtrack and original score cds to the movie All About Lily Chou-Chou,

14) I once took a crap in a cat box,

15) I have never, even from the first paragraph-story-thing, had a cohesive mental image of what Sir Reginald looks like,

16) As a child I woke from a dream just before the spear that the werewolf threw—with Dracula by his side—from the steps of the haunted house in the middle of the desert hit me in the back,

17) It is probable that I’ve seen both Tampopo and Harold and Maude over ten times each,

18) I have, in the past, quite seriously and analytically weighed the positives and negatives of suicide,

19) I’ve always wanted a wombat,

20) I once shoplifted the entire contents of a box of small 25-cent Slim-Jim’s, a quantity somewhere around thirty,

21) I sent my very first e-mail in the first few months of 1994,

22) My Tourette’s “pimp limp” tic is causing pain in my hip that is leading my doctors and I to believe that I could be doing permanent and possibly cane-worthy damage to my joint,

23) Having recently trying to rewatch it, I believe Highlander is a terrible film,

24) I was once shaken and choked by Colin Baker,

25) I was Class President and voted both Most Likely To Succeed and Class Clown.

Love,

b