benchilada: (Lunch)
[personal profile] benchilada
Thank you, [profile] analogue_soul . Thank you.



But benjamin, it's soda, what could possibly...


So I get home one day and find a white box on my porch that was supposed to have arrived sooner and was big enough that it should have been left at the post office.

"Fuck that shit," thought the post office, "the box only says Jones SODA on it, surely nothing will happen if we leave it outside...in the winter!"



Oh, fine, I guess three of the five could freeze, one to the point of actually shattering the bottle, forcing me to keep it frozen until ready to drink and then straining it through a cloth napkin to guarantee that nobody would drink broken damn glass.

But I'm not mad.

You just focused on the frozen part, didn't you? Go back and look at those flavors.

Oh. Hell. No.

Never had their Thanksgiving Pack, but this will do.



Did anybody else get a little turned on by that?

...

Okay, just kidding! I didn't get turned on! Ha! You believed...me...

Oh, flavors, right!

    

Do I really need to preface this with witty comments? I don't think so. After all, there were FIVE things to try and the ever-sexy [info]bookmancu was my guest, making it such a big tasting that it required TWO YOUTUBE VIDEOS!

SEVENTEEN MINUTES!

But it's worth it and your mom and I love you, we're just going to be living in different places, and I'm going to burn all my photos of her, damn it, I didn't mean to tell you that part, the part about how your mommy has decided that daddy isn't enough for her, and that your little brother isn't even mine, stupid DNA tests, and their...umm...

VIDEOS!!!

(Also, I learned not to throw bottle caps on the ground when filming with the cat around...)


 
So there you go, kids.

My cat is easily amused, my wife's taste buds are weird, Scott is single (that's your cue, gentlemen), and I...well, I remain,

benjamin

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEND YOUR FOODSTUFFS (with your real name and your LJ name) TO:

benjamin sTone
712 S. Anderson
Urbana, IL
61801
USA

February 2019

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