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Nov. 29th, 2007 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
benchiladaHow To Have Lunch At Mandarin Wok,
or, Aren't You A Little White To Be Eating That?
or, Aren't You A Little White To Be Eating That?
Upon entering, find a suitable table, preferably one under the Super Secret Menu that has hundreds of dishes that are only written in Chinese.
Ignore the part of the menu that's in English on the wall behind the server. Those options are for Americans who want to eat Chinese food, not CHINESE FOOD.
Through the miracle of time travel, the photo provided below was actually taken after we received our meal!
Next, ask Scott what to order. Decide that you're in no mood to tell the person behind the counter "Suprise me," like you usually do when ordering Chinese.
Scott will ask you what month you were born in. When you tell him November, he will tell you that 11 is the first part of what you're eating. He will then ask how long you've been married to Lovely Wife Sara. Tell him two years. He will know not to ask how long you've been together, since that's 11 years and there are only 950 items on the menu. Scott will then tell you that 2 is the second part of your order, so you will be having number 112.
Gaze upon the four mysterious characters next to that number. Contemplate how lovingly they are written on the long orange sheets of paper and decide that they are good.
Approach the counter and establish a false sense of security with the woman behind it.
"I'd like one order of the pork dumpling dim sum..."
"...and number one-twelve."
She will smile at you and consult the plastic menu on the counter next to her.
When...hang on, there was a laminated menu that provided Vague English Translations of the secret menu on the wall? Well, shit. Proceed to feel slightly cheated, even though you can't quite put your finger on why.
Struggle to maintain your confident facade when she looks you square in your eyes and asks,
"You know is'a stomach?"
"Yes," you lie.
"Is'a stomach with black bean sauce."
"Sounds great."
Look down at menu she has presented you with as a third and final warning.
After you smile, she will shrug and begin to write. At that time, finally look up at Weak English Menu. Try to decide whether the trio of words in the upper corner are intended to be enthusiastic or cautionary.
Next, wait for food and discuss with Scott how they're totally ruining the character of Maya on Heroes.
When food arrives, delight in how if somebody didn't know what you were about to eat, you could tell them it's called Lean Pork Slices with Shitake Mushroom, Green Pepper, Onion, And Absolutely No Stomach So Try A Piece
Eat as much stomach as your stomach can hold, then--
Hang on, that sentence made my nose bleed a little.
...
Okay, so eat as much as you can, then contemplate getting a take-away box but decide that, like clams, stomach probably isn't that good reheated.
Go back to work, filled to the brim with awesome.
b
Ignore the part of the menu that's in English on the wall behind the server. Those options are for Americans who want to eat Chinese food, not CHINESE FOOD.
Through the miracle of time travel, the photo provided below was actually taken after we received our meal!
Next, ask Scott what to order. Decide that you're in no mood to tell the person behind the counter "Suprise me," like you usually do when ordering Chinese.
Scott will ask you what month you were born in. When you tell him November, he will tell you that 11 is the first part of what you're eating. He will then ask how long you've been married to Lovely Wife Sara. Tell him two years. He will know not to ask how long you've been together, since that's 11 years and there are only 950 items on the menu. Scott will then tell you that 2 is the second part of your order, so you will be having number 112.
Gaze upon the four mysterious characters next to that number. Contemplate how lovingly they are written on the long orange sheets of paper and decide that they are good.
Approach the counter and establish a false sense of security with the woman behind it.
"I'd like one order of the pork dumpling dim sum..."
"...and number one-twelve."
She will smile at you and consult the plastic menu on the counter next to her.
When...hang on, there was a laminated menu that provided Vague English Translations of the secret menu on the wall? Well, shit. Proceed to feel slightly cheated, even though you can't quite put your finger on why.
Struggle to maintain your confident facade when she looks you square in your eyes and asks,
"You know is'a stomach?"
"Yes," you lie.
"Is'a stomach with black bean sauce."
"Sounds great."
Look down at menu she has presented you with as a third and final warning.
After you smile, she will shrug and begin to write. At that time, finally look up at Weak English Menu. Try to decide whether the trio of words in the upper corner are intended to be enthusiastic or cautionary.
Next, wait for food and discuss with Scott how they're totally ruining the character of Maya on Heroes.
When food arrives, delight in how if somebody didn't know what you were about to eat, you could tell them it's called Lean Pork Slices with Shitake Mushroom, Green Pepper, Onion, And Absolutely No Stomach So Try A Piece
Eat as much stomach as your stomach can hold, then--
Hang on, that sentence made my nose bleed a little.
...
Okay, so eat as much as you can, then contemplate getting a take-away box but decide that, like clams, stomach probably isn't that good reheated.
Go back to work, filled to the brim with awesome.
b
