(no subject)

[benchilada]

OH SWEET JEEBUS, WHAT HAS HE DONE?!

Well, let's take a quick close-up look at what we're eating today.
Okay, seriously, it could be worse than what it is.



Oh. I suppose that if one looks at the ingredients that it is rather curious...



What? Shut up benjamin and show us the fucking goods? Fine.



Oh, they're PARTY TIME...crabs. Dried crabs. Fuck this, let's open these bitches up.



Hmm. They're in their own little tray. That's either cute or practical. Just kidding! It's practical.



I almost felt back about breaking it, then I remembered that the ingredients listed "rice wine," so it was probably too fucked up to notice.



Sara decided that this was going to be the X-TREME CLOSE-UP OF BENJAMIN'S FACE edition of "I Do This So You Don't Have To." And now the experiment begins:



Now is the time on Sprockets when we contemplate.



Here comes the sun?



Holy shit, am I thinking what I think I'm thinking?



It ain't the peace sign, my bitches, IT'S THE INTERNATIONAL SIGN FOR "I'M HAVING TWO!!!"



It's like when you have a Blue Razzberry Blow Pop and your tongue changes color.
ONLY MORE EVIL!!!



Still good! Got a bit of crab stuck in my teeth, and...hang on...is there a new flavor catching up with me?



ALERT! ALERT! ALL DIALS ARE SHOWING WE HAVE REACHED
HARVEY DENT!!!



(singing) "Take it...to the limit...which is twooooooo."



FINAL VERDICT? Give me a moment...



Okay, they were seriously not entirely terrible. The shiny lacquer of sugar and the sesame seed sprinkles definitely helped cover the OH MY GOD THESE ARE DRIED CRABS STILL IN THEIR SHELL flavor, but it wouldn't have held up if I were going to be eating a lot of them.

I think that if I were chilling and drinking beer, these would actually be a very tasty, salty snack, probably better than bland shit like pretzels. By the same token, if I were to just sit down and try to munch them straight out of the bag...well, you just saw that. Not bad stuff, but kinda like hard-boiled eggs; there is an upper limit that one can eat without losing one's cool.

Ultimately, that last photo above really kinda works as a metaphor for the light of taste that shines from these snacks, but also for the darkness that, if you are not careful, could consume you even as you consume them.

Heh. That was some smooth bullshit right there.

Now if you'll excuse us, me and my Party Time Roasted Crab Snacks gots to go bring sexy back...

b