benchilada (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
benchilada) wrote2007-05-23 03:50 pm
benchilada) wrote2007-05-23 03:50 pm
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Yesterday, I found a random bag of Clam Jerky in my mailbox.
No envelope, no return address, no note, no nothing. Just sitting in there.
Do I throw it away because it might be poisoned with anthrax?
Of course not! I'm stupid! (Please cross-reference The Mallow Burger Incident)
THE MIGHTY CLAM JERKY EXPERIMENT OF 2007
; or, I Do These Things So You Don't Have To
First, we prepare to open the bag...
b
No envelope, no return address, no note, no nothing. Just sitting in there.
Do I throw it away because it might be poisoned with anthrax?
Of course not! I'm stupid! (Please cross-reference The Mallow Burger Incident)
THE MIGHTY CLAM JERKY EXPERIMENT OF 2007
; or, I Do These Things So You Don't Have To
First, we prepare to open the bag...
We give it a smell. Please note Barry-Allen-esque attempt to vibrate into another dimension to avoid it.
Doesn't look terrible. Just like, you know...SCABS! GIANT SCABS!
IMPORTANT: Before eating, offer some to Isis, who seems to be enjoying the smell:
MY GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS!
One good ole' chewy SNAP later...
Chew, while tongue decides between FIGHT or FLIGHT:
PLEASE, ISIS, USE YOUR DRIED-MEAT-RELATED-EMPATHIC POWERS TO TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!
Howbad strong was the flavor? Eating an entire mouthful of these did not help:
FINAL RESULTS?
I kept some and will be trying again after Sara goes to sleep, and on the front porch, where I normally eat my kimchi and preserved squid so she won't throw up from the smell.
Why would I eat it again? Because I am a masochist and will often try food that tastes like The Apocalypse more than once just to be certain, then yes, I would eat it again.
Then I'd freak out and punch myself in the eye for doing it again.
Now somebody else send me something awesome to try.
There is always a chance that I won't spit it into the garbage can.
Doesn't look terrible. Just like, you know...SCABS! GIANT SCABS!
IMPORTANT: Before eating, offer some to Isis, who seems to be enjoying the smell:
MY GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS!
One good ole' chewy SNAP later...
Chew, while tongue decides between FIGHT or FLIGHT:
PLEASE, ISIS, USE YOUR DRIED-MEAT-RELATED-EMPATHIC POWERS TO TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!
How
FINAL RESULTS?
I kept some and will be trying again after Sara goes to sleep, and on the front porch, where I normally eat my kimchi and preserved squid so she won't throw up from the smell.
Why would I eat it again? Because I am a masochist and will often try food that tastes like The Apocalypse more than once just to be certain, then yes, I would eat it again.
Then I'd freak out and punch myself in the eye for doing it again.
Now somebody else send me something awesome to try.
There is always a chance that I won't spit it into the garbage can.
b